Monday, December 31, 2012


Every couple of days, Hubby and I pull out the heart Doppler and check in on the little one. It's helped to keep my fears and nerves at bay, and given us reassurance that everything is fine. And seeing as this is the longest span we've gone without an ultrasound, let me tell you, it's a blessing to have!

Over the last couple of weeks, we've been able to pick up the heartbeat on the left side of my abdomen. It's loud and clear and the Doppler says it ranges between 120-140. So this whole time we've been assuming the little one is most likely a boy. Simply based upon the heart beat reading. They say low heart beat is boy, and fast is usually a girl.

However, Saturday when we decided to listen, things got a little complicated. Most Dopplers won't give you an accurate reading until about 12 weeks, which is tomorrow. So it's not bazaar that we started picking up on a much faster heart beat. On the left side was still 120-140. But I began scanning all around and ended up on the right side. At which time, a much quicker thumping began to come over the speaker. And the Doppler began sky rocketing from 120 to 130 to 140 to 150 to 160 to 170! And that slower little pace was now a racing little baby's heart.

But as we sat there and listened to this much faster beat, I could still hear the slower beat as well. Now Hubby assumed that the slower had to be my heart beat. Which could in fact be true. But I found it quite odd that I could hear both, at the same time. Now I'm not insinuating that there might be two in there, but it was a little freaky.

Anyone have a similar experience? 

Is this just my heart beat and the baby's?

Is it possible they missed another little sac hiding behind it's sibling?

I guess we'll find out Thursday at our next ultrasound. 

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

11 Weeks- Merry Christmas!

Christmas Day marked 11 weeks!

Baby Size: Lime, 1.6"

Knickname: Still Olive or Oliver depending on our mood. Starting to lean towards boy. Heart doppler has been bringing up a consistent 125-135 beats per minute. (Interested to see what the ultrasound next week picks up.)

Baby Changes: Head to body ratio is 1:1 and the baby weighs about .25 ounces. Tooth buds, hair follicles and nail beds are forming. Skin is see-through, and fingers and toes aren't webbed anymore! Baby can move fluidly now too, which you're not supposed to be able to feel. However I have had consistent flutters, I swear the kid is doing back flips!

Weight Gain: We'll find out next week at our 12 week appointment. Ugh.

Cravings: None to really speak of.

Aversions: Vegetables have been tough to swallow but still able to force them down.

Showing: Still rocking the maternity jeans. Belly is really starting to stick out now. 

Body Changes: This week I've noticed a huge change in my exhaustion. I've been really tired most days, to the point where I'll nap at 10 am. Starting to feel huge, and very much looking forward to getting my fat ass to the gym.

Worst Moment this Week: None to speak of. Things have gone really well. I did however try to squeeze myself into a pair of non maternity jean leggings. They buttoned, but were super uncomfortable. Sigh.

Best Moment this Week: Telling Chris' grandmother on Christmas that we are expecting. We waited to share the news with her, didn't want to worry the poor lady.

Looking Forward To: Next week's ultrasound! Only 7 more days until we get to see the little one again. And obviously getting to second trimester is so exciting, we're so close!

Friday, December 21, 2012

10 Weeks

Sorry for the crappy bathroom pic. Promise to update soon.

Baby Size: Prune, 1.25"

Knickname: Still Olive or Oliver depending on our mood. (Still no real strong feels whether it's a boy or girl.)

Baby Changes: Embryo has officially become a fetus! The placenta has now taken over and replaced the yolk sac. (I am continuing to take the progesterone until week 11 or 12, at which time I will slowly ween myself off. I may push for a blood draw to be sure my levels are where they should be on their own.)

Weight Gain: We don't own a scale, which I'm really enjoying right now, but probably regret come our 12 week check up.

Cravings: Still not really having any cravings.

Aversions: Nope. Still none.

Showing: The full panel maternity jeans aren't sliding down quite as much as they were, so I'm thinking the belly has expanded. Sure feels like it has.

Body Changes: My boobs seem to have grown over the last week or so. Still getting tingly nipples once in awhile. My skin has gotten really dry and itchy, including my scalp. Also got a nasty rash on Thursday all over my stomach and sides. Thankfully it seems to be going away. Mild nausea the last 2 mornings as well. Lots of flutters and pressure down there.

Worst Moment this Week: This was a rough one. Between the school shooting, and an old friend's death, I haven't been in the best of moods. It's been a very somber week. Along with the fact that I couldn't attend the wake or funeral. Not truly saying goodbye is difficult.

Best Moment this Week: Finally clearly heard the baby's heart beat on the doppler. Was able to find a good spot and listen to that nice strong beat for a good minute or so. Calms all my nerves.

Looking Forward To: Acupuncture. My sinuses have been throbbing and so painful the last few days. Hoping the acupuncture will help to settle things down. It's sure made a difference with the nausea. Only slightly coming back the last 2 mornings. Other than that, haven't had any issues with it.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Hormones anyone?

I remember years ago when I was on the pill, and could not regulate my emotions. I joked with my husband, who could barely handle the roller coaster ride, that one day I'd be pregnant, and this is exactly what it would be like. And no joke, it is. Poor guy.

I must say I've done really well until this week. I find myself losing patience so quickly and snapping at my poor hubby who's usually just trying to help. I get flustered and upset even when a dish is moved. (Yet I moved it and blamed hubby. Oops.)

In the wake of the recent CT tragedy, I've been avoiding the subject at all cost. I read one article and was shaking and fighting back tears at work on Friday. So all weekend I said my prayers and kept them in my thoughts, but avoided discussing the incident with anyone.

While we were watching the Pats last night, the game was interrupted for the President's speech at the CT high school. I did well at first, listening but ultimately trying not to. The horror that took place, for me, was beyond comprehension. It's taken me for 4 years to get pregnant, and the thought of my child going to kindergarten and the possibility of being shot is far too much for me to handle right now. Losing a child is not something any parent should have to suffer through.

I didn't cry. Not one tear. I sat silent. Until the President began reading their names. The students and the adults. I immediately began sobbing, completely overcome with emotion and asked hubby to change the channel. Which was hopeless because the broadcast was on pretty much every station. So I sat and cried. Knowing part of it was hormones and part was sheer anger that this could happen.

So here it is. Another change this week. One I was hoping would not happen. But it's arrived. So if I begin crying, or yelling or flipping out at you for no reason at all, I apologize in advance.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Thank the Lord it's Friday

This week has been rough. Not entirely pregnancy wise, but in general. Knowing I'm 9 weeks, the time I first miscarried, has me on edge. I keep waiting for the rug to be pulled up from under me. I keep waiting for something bad to happen. Yet, at the same time, I feel very relaxed, calm even. Some days I'm completely at peace that I'm pregnant, almost forgetting sometimes. But of course the pressure and quick movements remind me of the state my body is in.

The big changes this week seem to be increased sense of smell, and breast tenderness has found it's way back. Yay. My dreams at night have been so crazy and clear, that I don't feel like I'm getting any rest. I keep falling asleep on the sofa around 9 (which feels like my deepest sleep), and then attempt to go to bed between 11-12. At which time I can't seem to fall back asleep. I know I should just go to bed at 9 so that I don't get up. But some nights hubby doesn't get home until then, or after, leaving us no time to see each other during the week.

Work of course gets ridiculously busy when I become pregnant, why not, right? My responsibilities have tripled. My work load is never ending, and each time I complete something, I'm given 4-5 more things to get done. I continuously feel like I'm taking 3 steps back. And I'm tired. And I'm cranky. And I'm ranting....

I have finally gotten into the Christmas spirit though. Completed almost all the shopping and finally listening to holiday music at work. It's one of the only things helping to get me through the day. That and chocolate....speaking of chocolate.....these are my favorite!

And I've picked up our Christmas cards yesterday, so hopefully I'll actually get those out sometime early next week.

*Please everyone say a prayer for the CT school shooting victims. I can't imagine how those families will deal with such a great loss before the holidays. (Home schooling is starting to sound better and better.)

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

9 Weeks

Baby Size: Olive, .9"

Knickname: Olive, mostly because Hubby thought it was cute and loved that the baby is now the size of a green olive.

Weight Gain: I have not weighed myself this week. I'm guessing I've probably increased.

Cravings: None this week, food is not that appetizing right now.

Aversions: Haven't really felt any this week.

Showing: Um, let's just say it's getting difficult to hide the bump. It's kind of that awkward stage where I look fat, but it's start to resemble a baby bump.

Body Changes: I feel like my waist has gone up by an inch or two this week. See?

Worst Moment this Week: First time I had to sprint to the bathroom thinking I was going to vomit. False alarm though. And battling a slight cold, but nettipot has helped a ton!

Best Moment this Week: My friend loaned us her heart doppler! We tried it out last night. For a second we had 167 show up, but couldn't find it again. Probably still too early.

Looking Forward To: The holidays! Can't wait to get past week 9. Excited for week 10 when the placenta takes over. Definitely enjoying the growing bump!

Here's a comparison from last week to this week.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

9 Weeks = Olive

hi Celia,

you're 9 weeks pregnant! 

Week 9

Baby's now the size of a green olive!

Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like...well...a baby!

So Bean is now being referred to as Olive. Since the size change is pretty dramatic from the first time we've seen our little one, Olive just seems more suiting. There's so many big land marks coming up and currently happening, hubby and I both are pretty excited!

We're hoping this week we'll be able to hear Olive's heartbeat on the doppler a gracious friend has loaned us! (Thank you again!) Although it's still pretty early to be able to hear the little thumping, we're still going to give it a shot. I'm hoping hearing the heart will keep me from pulling the crazy pregnant lady card again, so we can see our baby.

Some big changes this week:
1. Baby has gone from being an embryo to a fetus!
2. The heart has gone from 2 chambers to 4!
3. Baby is almost an inch in size now!

I also just realized that I never really updated you all on my appointment with the nutritionist and the ultrasound. Unfortunately, the US tech was not the friendliest woman I've ever met. She seemed a little frustrated that I was there and started our appointment by coldly asking "So....why are you here?" (There's a thing called kindness lady!) I even explained that I'd miscarried before and she didn't seem to care that I had a drop in symptoms.

All ended well though as I saw and heard the heartbeat again. Along with the big change in baby's size! All looked well, and baby measured at 8 weeks, thankfully. I've continued to have no bouts of nausea lately, and  my energy seems to have picked up a bit. However my nose now picks up every scent and smell around me, my husband nicely pointed out. I've also been having a lot of pressure and growing it seems. Apparently my uterus is now the size of a tennis ball. Which you'd think would find a nice spot by pushing things over a little. Nope, it's basically sticking straight out. Pretty sure I need to start measuring my belly, because I feel like I've grown a few inches this week. Also having tons of flutters throughout the day.

The nutritionist was wonderful! Very sweet as we sat and went over a normal day's worth of meals for me. She even took notes on the shake I have every morning. I was right on for protein content and pretty much everything else. We had similar diets, so it was nice to chat with her. She gave some suggestions and conflicting opinions than RSC. She did however side with my OB on not eating tuna, and having salmon instead.

I'll give an update on me personally tomorrow, along with some photos.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

When to pull the "crazy pregnant lady" card

For the first few weeks of my pregnancy, I have had this unbelievable calming sensation hovering over me. It was keeping my nerves at bay, my thoughts positive, and my expectations low. It was helping me get through each day without the overwhelming worry that comes after you've had a miscarriage in the past.

What I've found is that most women who've had a miscarriage, then get pregnant again, they don't allow themselves to enjoy their pregnancy. They are constantly on the edge of their seat, waiting for the floor to drop or for the rug to be pulled out from under their feet. Each day seems like a decade and each twinge initiates a million questions filled with panic.

Knowing this is the furthest we've come (developmentally) in a pregnancy, my only thing to compare it to, is the first. I've been checking in with myself every hour to be sure I'm feeling pressure, or nausea, or breast tenderness, or super smelling capabilities. I almost didn't have Monday's acupuncture appointment, in fear that my symptoms might disappear and leave me questioning if this pregnancy is still viable.

And that's exactly what has happened.

I woke up Tuesday at the normal time, did my normal morning routine, not expecting much. Drove to work, at which time my stomach is usually ravenous and ready to be fed. And throughout the rest of the day...

no nausea....

no exhaustion....

utter fear.

I tried to stay calm and convince myself that all is well, and I'm just over reacting. My only slight nausea didn't come until 9pm after dinner. And Wednesday was about the same. No nausea. No exhaustion. At some points I really felt like I was being overtaken by bouts of adrenaline. The only slight signs I was feeling were some mild pressure, and a few twinges of round ligament stretching. Once and awhile my breasts would feel pretty tender, and I might feel some mild flutters, but they were rare.

This morning though, letting my worry get the best of me, I put in a call to my doctor. Thus pulling the "crazy pregnant lady" card. I really called to see if this change was normal, which they said it is. But because I already have a consult with the nutritionist in their practice, they asked me to pop by before for an ultrasound.

And this is why I love my OB.

All I did was state my concern and give a brief history, and they fit me right. And although I still feel pretty positive, I'm still nervous as hell as to what may happen. The first time I knew, deep down, that it would be bad news. Today though, I don't have that feeling. I have the "You're being crazy" feeling. Of course today hubby has meetings all day and won't be able to attend. So I'm facing this one solo. Fingers crossed and saying prayers.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

8 Weeks

Baby Size: Raspberry

Knickname: Bean, mostly because the little gal or guy is still about the size of a bean. Most likely will change with time.

Weight Gain:  4lbs so far, Yikes! Let's just be clear that this is the increase since before IVF, not just the last couple of weeks. Time to start eating healthier and working out more consistently. (I should only gain 20lbs total based on my height and weight.) This week's diet has been much better, just trying to stay focused on health and nutrients for me and bean.

Cravings: Not so much cravings, but bagels & cream cheese, and chocolate still seem to end up in my diet daily. Starting to cut out the bagels, and replace with Kind Bars. Cutting down on the chocolate too. The Chocolate Peanut Butter Kind Bar is a nice replacement.

Aversions: Tofu is still not appetizing at all, nor is Soy Sauce or Liquid Aminos. Anything too salty doesn't taste good.

Showing: Still rocking maternity jeans, low panel mostly. Regular jeans are too tight on the waist, and I really hate the belly bands. They do not stay up. Thankfully I have a ton of long, and or loose shirts to help cover things up for awhile.

Body Changes: My nipples currently seem to be tingly every day. My breasts are still really sore. Nausea is pretty consistent each day. No real time frame though, happens pretty randomly throughout the day. Although mornings and evenings are usually okay. Appetite is still up and metabolism seems to be working well.

Worst Moment this Week: Posting on I do not recommend joining the forums. Hormones and forums do not mix ladies!

Best Moment this Week: Hubby Gtalking me that he "Missed me and Bean". For some reason it melted my heart a little. Knowing there's a little person growing inside of me. I think I'm finally starting to let myself enjoy it.

Looking Forward To: Our 12 week ultrasound on January 3rd! Only 4 more weeks. Hoping the holidays help to keep the time flying by!


I just wanted to take a minute to thank each and every one of you that have supported, encouraged, lent a shoulder, shed a tear, or shared in the silence. I am thoroughly blown away each and every time I write, all the responses I receive from you all. Your words of love and encouragement have helped to get us thus far. And even though this part of our journey is so new, your support has helped the time to pass quickly.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Why You Shouldn't Post on Forums Pregnant

Last week I joined Mostly because I wanted to have a resource to check in on baby's progress and read up on what other moms-to-be are feeling. What ended up happening, has kept me from ever returning. Honestly, I am simply appalled at some of the responses I received.

Let me preface by saying I realize that posting on forums aren't always going to give you the answer you're looking for. They are honest responses to people's opinions. Nor can you really know someones character by the question they've asked. I don't expect people to agree with me, but I do expect them to be respectful with their comments and suggestions.

That did not happen.

I posed a question on non-traditional baby showers. For the past 4 years, as we struggled to conceive, (like most pregnant women) you think about all the things that come with baby. All the great things that we as women look forward to. One of them being your baby shower. I am lucky enough to have such a loving family that it's tradition to have a baby shower, where all the women, both family and friends are invited and shower the mom to be with love and gifts. I, in no way EXPECT a shower, or for anyone to buy us gifts. But it's definitely fun to think about if they do decide to throw one for us.

Having attended several myself over the years, there are things that I've come to love and not so much enjoy.  I love the idea of a non-traditional shower. We have so many friends and family, both male and female that have supported us over the years, that I thought it would be nice to have a shower party with all of them. Somewhere low key, and laid back, like the farm/restaurant we go to every Sunday morning for breakfast. Maybe hold it in the evening, serving soup, sandwiches, and salads. Nothing fancy. Very low key. Since it would be in the evening, drinks would be served. (Just because I can't drink doesn't mean no one can.)

So the question I posed, and basically got attacked for, was the idea of a non-traditional, coed shower. I suggested where I would like it to be held, along with the idea of not sitting and opening all the gifts at once. (I always feel like it takes so long, and gets quite boring for those attending.) I posed a few alternatives, like opening as people asked, or as they arrived (assuming people wouldn't all arrive at once). I also stated that this is a super early question to ask seeing as I wasn't even 8 weeks yet. (But I'm excited, ya know?)

I was blown away at some of the responses these women gave. Below are some samples.

One woman told me I was a spoiled brat for making DEMANDS about my shower, that no one has offered to throw me. And that my post was all "ME ME ME!"
-No demands were made. I simply made suggestions of what I'd like. I never said I expected all these things, there were examples of what comes to mind when I think of a shower. I was looking for opinions on the idea of a non traditional shower, not the specific details I gave. Jeez.

Another told me that just because I struggled to conceived, doesn't mean people are going to be throwing glitter all around me.
-Oh really? I had no idea. I assumed the world would stop turning now that a baby is finally growing inside me! 

One lady said I shouldn't even be thinking about a shower since I've had issues in the past. That I should just try to get past the first trimester. And how dare I pose that question as such an early stage of pregnancy.
-Apparently there is this "Guide to Life Events Rule Book". If anyone has one, please send me a copy. I apparently didn't get the memo.

One woman actually understood, and had the same thought for hers. I commented below that finally someone understood what I was trying to say. Another lady wrote under my comment "Well that wasn't predictable or anything."
-Because that's a mature response. And apparently no one can share the same ideas. Silly me.

At one point, after several well made arguments with the gift opening issue, I finally gave in and agreed. One woman gave great points and was very kind in her response. I thanked her and posted that I understood finally. Another few women felt the need to argue that they gave the suggestion a while ago. Which they did not. They judged and criticized and basically called me a spoiled brat again and rudely stated what I should do.

So what did I learn from all of us. Forums and hormones don't mix people! Don't get involved in the forums. Some of these women are just down right rude and judgmental  and apparently have nothing better to do with their time then make you feel like a horrible person for asking a simple question. Nor do they know how to respectfully comment on other's thoughts.

Lesson learned.

*What this did do though, was hook me up with some very wonderful mamas on a private Facebook page, (soon to be website). So I am super grateful for that! Out of everything bad, can come something good.

Monday, December 3, 2012

First OB Appointment & Flu Shot Questions

This morning, one day before we hit 8 weeks, we met with our OB team. We chose the same office we saw 2 years ago during our first pregnancy. (We hadn't been back since my follow up from the D&C). There were really 2 reasons we chose this practice:

1. They are always on call, and do not use other services, ever. Throughout your pregnancy, you meet all 4 doctors, and one of the 4 will be there for the birth.

2. They are associated with Emerson Hospital, an affiliate of Boston Medical Center.

For anyone else getting ready for baby, I highly recommend their practice. They have 3 office locations, and one just happens to be in our town now! Yay! I love that you get to know all of them and that they don't use any other doctors, ever. They do all of their practice's deliveries. I also love that they work out of Emerson Hospital. Probably seems silly to drive to Concord when we have a hospital in our home town. However Emerson guarantees a private room (Leominster does not), they have a new birthing wing with it's own entrance, and a birthing tub. They offer Hypnobirthing, Yoga classes, and welcome natural child birth.

At our appointment, which was just a Congrats on being pregnant, and info session, she mentioned getting the flu shot. (Knock on wood) I've never had the flu. I've never gotten the flu shot. Ever. I'm one of those crazy people that doesn't really believe in vaccines. I have my own reasons. However, she was quite insistent that I get the flu shot this year. Seeing as we have 3 more months of flu season and my immune system is considered "compromised". Basically while you're pregnant, you're compared to a 60 year old chain smoker. Very low immune system apparently.

So I'm asking all of you. I have yet to research, but what are your thoughts on getting the flu shot while pregnant?

Friday, November 30, 2012

1st Gym Time in.....a long time

I read somewhere that working out helps to combat the debilitating nausea that can come in the first trimester. I truly believed it to be a myth, but so far I've been proven wrong twice. The first was while we were up at Trapp and decided to do the 6.2 round trip hike to the cabin. The second was last night.

I've been telling myself for weeks that I need to get my pregnant ass to the gym 3-5 days a week.

a. To help combat the not so fabulous eating I've done lately. Thanks to the nausea.
b. So that I won't over gain in the next 9 months.
c. Stay stretched out and limber which will hopefully help with the birth.

So last night, as I slowly pulled myself up out of my work chair, I grabbed my gym bag and put on some work out clothes. I find changing at work forces me to get to the gym. If I just hop in my car, from pulling out of my parking spot, to getting to the main road, it's possible I'll convince myself to just go home.

I got to the gym and was oddly awake. Did a solid hour on the treadmill with random hills. Only moved at 3.2 to keep my heart below 140. Never got breathless, and drank almost 20 oz of water. After which, I did some light stretching and some ab exercises. Nothing strenuous, but enough to feel it.

As I headed home, I realized how awake I really was. I ate some dinner, eggs and  bagel to be exact and watched some tv. Knowing my feet were frozen and not warming up not matter how hard I tried, I drew myself a warm bath. (Don't worry, it was around 100 degrees, like I was told was okay.) Let myself warm up, then drained the water and got out. Curled up on the sofa, read some of my book (Bleed For Me).

Hubby came home about 30 mins later and we watched this week's Dexter & Walking Dead. At which time I passed out for about 30 mins at the end. We headed up to bed around 11:30, and now I was wide awake. Took about a half hour to fall back to sleep. Then awoke at 5am, like usual. Bladder full. Somehow I managed to roll back over a sleep a little longer.

Today has been a long, dragging day. I can't not wait to crawl back into bed.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Just a few things....

At yesterday's meeting, the nurse practitioner had asked if I was having any nausea or vomiting  I quickly replied that I thankfully haven't vomited, and that most of my nausea seems to be subsiding.

Boy was I wrong.

I woke up this morning, from a somewhat restful slumber, to a completely empty stomach. Growling and gurgling  I probably should have eaten immediately. Instead I jumped right into the shower. Continued to hack up a lung phlegm that seems to be plaguing me most days now. So much so that when I finally got in my car to head to work, still starving, I attempted to spit some phlegm out. Which ended up being a full out gag session and spitting on the side of my car. Awesome.

Every morning, I have my Vega One shake with frozen berries, banana and coconut milk. Usually it tastes scrumptious. Today, I took a sip and gagged. Thankfully I used a straw to down the shake, and managed to by pass my taste buds and get some of it in my stomach.

While sitting at my desk, I continued to suck down half the shake, until I couldn't take it anymore, and gave up. You win this round nausea.

Around 10am, I was starving again. But my usual Snap Pea Crisps and Red Pepper Hummus, was not sounding appetizing. So I switched out the Snap Peas for some Saltines. Managed to get down 1 cracker and hummus every 5 mins or so.

At noon time, I was hungry, but nothing sounded appetizing. But pizza. Thankfully there's a brick oven place 5 mins from work. Where I proceeded to go. And somehow I ended up ordering a cheese and crust only pizza. Which at first was not what I wanted. But after biting into it, I was super glad it didn't have sauce. Pretty sure that wouldn't have gone over well.

As I went up to pay for my pizza, I noticed some delicious homemade chocolate chip cookies calling my name. Mmmmm, cookies and peppermint tea.....perfect afternoon snack.

And while I have you here.....

I'm starting to believe that pregnant women should not be allowed to work full time. This whole making another human being thing is exhausting, and really is a full time job all on it's own. We should at least be able to work part time.

And what's with the US being so far behind on maternity leave laws?! Some countries offer a full PAID YEAR off. A whole damn year. Come America, step it up! 6 weeks at 60% salary is not a maternity leave. It's just plain insulting. (And the only reason I get a paid maternity leave, is because my work is kind enough to offer Short Term Disability plan.)

Oh yes, I'm sorry, I forgot our government is run by old men who probably still believe that it's the 50's and moms stay at home with their children and bake all day. My bad.

In lighter news, the Chinese Birthday Calendar says we'll be having a boy. And their apparently 90% accurate. We'll see about that China.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

7 Week US

I was feeling really calm today. Until I got in the car to drive to RSC for our US. It had nothing to do with the actual scan though. I felt pretty confident, and still very pregnant, so I had good feelings about the upcoming scan. But on the way there, on the back roads, I got stuck behind a little old couple doing well under the speed limit. I finally get around them after they turn, and hop onto Rt 2. To only be pinned between the person in front of me doing under the speed limit, and the little old lady next to me doing the same speed. Off to the back roads again, and finally start moving. Oh wait, lovely, there's a cop behind me. Ugh. Some days you can never win. The whole ride I kept telling myself "God is telling you to be patient and calm down." So I did.

I finally arrived to RSC at the exact time Chris did. Gotta love perfect timing. Walked into our appointment and was greeted by the same receptionist who had told us about the triplets. Headed back to our US, and thankfully Deb greeted us once again for our scan. Apparently she pulled rank and asked that we see her again. Got to love this woman! No time wasted, she jumps right to the heart beat so we can breath a sigh of relief.

And there it is.

One strong little heart, beating away! 126 beats per minute to be exact. (They like to see over 120 at 8 weeks. We are only at 7 weeks, so all good signs.)

Those two little gray lines are the heart. Along with our first little EKG.

Baby is about the size of 10 dimes stacked up, or 10mm. Up from 2mm last week. The round circle is the yolk sac. Above is the little bean.

After the scan we met with the nurse practitioner. Apparently she had reviewed last weeks scans and was preparing all week to give us bad news, or a new course of action. She was happily surprise at the nice strong heart beat today, and I swear she was more excited than we were. She was very positive. Stated last week we looked like we were a little behind in growth, but over the past week, we've caught right up. 

Hubby and I are still being cautious and attempting not too get too excited. Although we have made it further in growth than our first pregnancy. And my Hcg is higher than our first pregnancy as well. But going through this again at the exact same time of year as before, has us super worried. I really don't think I'll truly breath a sigh of relief until we reach 13 weeks. (Only 6 more to go.)

And here is our first official belly shot. Exactly 7 weeks. Hubby thinks I'm starting to show. Belly is just starting to stick out a little. (Also check out our new entryway decor! Do we like?) Could I be any paler? 

As of right now we are officially no longer patients at RSC! Hooray! We will begin seeing our OB next week. Our first consult with them is on Monday. I am beyond glad they now have an office in our home town, right around the corner. Makes life so much easier.

The receptionist gladly said her good byes and wished us luck. It has been great to have such nice, caring people getting us to this point. RSC has been wonderful this time around. So thorough, and understanding. Thanks to them, we are happily 7 weeks pregnant.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

What is this?

Yesterday began something completely new. Well, maybe it didn't start yesterday, maybe it's been a few days. But yesterday was really the first day I started to become concerned. I'm guessing it's stretching, possibly of my uterus. I've been getting what I can only describe as mild quick cramps. They are kind of a mixture of flutters, warmth and cramping. They aren't anything like menstrual cramps, but they definitely feel like some kind of cramping. Not painful at all. The honestly feel more like my implantation cramping felt like.  I still don't feel like "cramping" is the right word to use, but I can't think of any other way to describe it.

Any thoughts?

Today is also the beginning of 7 weeks. Still amazed and in awe that we've reached this point. I still feel symptoms every day. Most recently the nausea has turned to an empty stomach/starving feeling. I wake up in the morning to an empty stomach. And if I go longer than 3 hours without eating, my stomach begins to rumble again. Most of the nausea is gone in the mornings, and only seems to come around at 3pm. Along with some serious exhaustion. Yesterday at 3:30 I felt like I got hit by a Mack truck. And at 4:30 I was in jeopardy of falling asleep at my desk.

I did manage to make it to the chiropractor last night after work though. My lower back is super tight and didn't really release at all. My neck however feels so much better. After the appointment, I popped into Hannafords to pick up some fish and veggies for dinner. Some how Cinnamon & Sugar Pop Chips found there way into my carriage...... Headed home, put dinner together, and immediately after eating, I was asleep on the sofa. Hubby could see how tired I was, and even though he was doing work, he offered to do the dishes so I could sleep. 8pm. Yup, out cold. Woke up around 10 and headed upstairs. Read for a bit, then feel asleep.

Last night's sleep was not stellar though! I've been tossing and turning after 4am most nights. Today is the first day I really feel like I'm dragging ass. Thankfully it's a short day for me. So my afternoon will include a nap.

And tomorrow is our next ultrasound. I feel oddly calm and relaxed about this one. Hoping to see and hear the heartbeat this time. Or two. Either one will do.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Food Aversion #1

One of the things I've noticed the most is how much my appetite has changed. I get full much sooner than I used to. Only eating about half the size of a plate I'd usually eat. But about 2 hours later, I'm starving again. Most days I wake up to my stomach rumbling, screaming to be fed. I prefer to have my shake and slowly sip it over a good 2 hours. This seems to give my stomach time to adjust to being fed, and keeps the nausea from coming on too strong.

Last night, starving once again after only a few hours, I decided to make some stir fry. Used brown rice noodles, mushrooms, onions, zucchini, tofu, tomatoes and mixed some Liquid Aminos and Sweet & Spicy Chili sauce. Sounded pretty appetizing at the time.

Until I started cooking it.

Then put a small amount on my plate.

At which time, I attempted to take a bite. 


I used to love stir fry. It was my go to meal. Especially if it contained onions and mushrooms. 


I could only stand 3 bites before I felt like I might vomit. 

So I went to my new go to meal/snack.

Crackers and hummus. About the only thing that went down easy last night. Considering I used to eat stir fry ALL THE TIME, I'm assuming this to be my first food aversion.

Also regarding the hummus and crackers, I've found that Cedars seems to use the best ingredients regarding health to make their hummus. And the crackers are Back To Basics brand. Also using only the best ingredients. Definitely more expensive than Ritz, but they don't seem to bother my stomach.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Too Early?

We've all been told that everyone's body reacts differently to pregnancy. Some women don't start showing until 4 months. Then there's some of us who can't button our jeans at 6 weeks. And yes, I am the latter of the two. Yesterday was the first day I rocked maternity jeans. And I'm not embarrassed to say so. Let me preface by saying the 2 comfortable pairs of jeans I own right now, that still fit well, I brought on vacation. They are in need of a wash. So yesterday, I attempted, several times might I add, to wear a pair of dress pants. However I am so swollen, nothing was comfortable. So I said screw it, and threw on the only pair of maternity jeans I own.


Who ever invented maternity jeans, had to be a woman. Elastic waist bands are so the way to go. I got up before my husband, so he was unaware of my rocking of the elastic band. Until we got to our ultrasound. Where I sheepishly stated that they were the only things not making me want to slit my wrists.

He laughed.

I was comfortable.

And that's all that mattered.

I felt even better about my decision when the nurse practitioner said my ovaries were so large (secreting all the necessary pregnancy hormones) that I should be pretty uncomfortable. And things probably won't fit well. Bingo!

So there!

Bending over is a slow and careful process. I think about every movement. I get up too quickly, I am rushed with exhaustion. I move too fast, my body reminds me to slow down. Every movement has changed. Even hiking on vacation last week, reminded me to take it easy. I was able to complete the 6.2 miles, but there were slow and steady. Until the end, where I desperately needed a bathroom.

I will say I'm feeling more confident and happier now. The nurses phoned yesterday and told me my hcg has gone from 783 on Tuesday, the 13th, to 3842 on Monday the 19th. So in 6 days it was a little higher than a 60% increase every 48 hours. Still in normal range. I have pushed for another round of blood work to be done next week at our ultrasound. Just to be sure the hcg is still rising.

Fingers crossed.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Results Are In

There is officially one strong little bean growing right on schedule. Measuring exactly 5 weeks and 6 days. Both the sac and yolk were visible along with one 2mm little fetus. No heart beat yet, but we'll be going back in for another ultrasound some time next week.

As happy and as thrilled as I am, I am still feeling oddly sad. Knowing one of our little embryos either didn't implant or didn't grow. It's still a loss. And deep down I had hoped for twins. It's been four long years of trying and grieving. The thought of having two at once, to me, meant this journey would be coming to an end. Knowing that we would like more than one child. Who knows what the future holds.

For now, I am slowly allowing myself to feel the joy of today's results. It's still a very long road ahead, one we've walked only one path on. Experienced only one outcome. I hope and pray these results are different. But I know I have no control over the outcome. So for now, I will keep reminding myself what a blessing today is. That for the second time, we've seen our little one.

Just What the Doctor Ordered

After last week's almost nervous breakdown, thanks to slow rising Hcg numbers and a very negative nurse, we headed up North on Tuesday for some much needed R&R. Thankfully when I spoke to the nurse Monday, she stated I wouldn't need any other blood work, besides Tuesday's until the following week. So I got up at the ass crack of dawn and headed in for my blood draw. Came home to a very sleepy husband, not moving too quickly. We took our time, finished packing, loaded up the car, stopped in at Starbucks, then headed North. Finally.

Trapp Family Lodge in Stowe, VT is one of our favorite places to go and relax. During our drive up, the nurse phoned with my morning blood draw results. In 4 days, my Hcg went from 300 to 783. Still considered in the normal range because it was elevating by 60% in 48 hours. Although they still felt the numbers were a little low. So she ran through the ectopic pregnancy symptoms over the phone with me, and stressed numerous times to run to the ER if I had any signs.


Once I heard that, I felt a little better. Not about the ectopic thing, but that my numbers were still climbing. And once we got up north, it was all relaxation for me.

The View from our room.

Hubby Enjoying lunch in Burlington at The Farmhouse.

He also enjoyed several beverages. Seems to be enjoying the DD wife.

I sipped on some Ginger Ale.

We treated ourselves to a cinnamon roll for breakfast one day.

Did some light hiking.

Our friends came to join us on Friday night.

We did some hiking with them as well. 

We even made it up the 3.1 mile hike to the cabin in the woods.

Then continued to hike down the 3.1 miles. Probably over did it a bit, but I took my time.

Enjoyed a puzzle.

Or two.

All in all, we had a great time doing a whole lot of nothing. But eating. Hiking. Relaxing at their spa. And just enjoying some time alone. 

Today though, we head in for our first ultrasound. They'll also be running several blood tests to be sure my kidneys and liver are functioning properly. Fingers crossed all goes well. Today is apparently 5 weeks and 6 days. Most likely we'll see the sac, and possible a heart beat. Or two. Still early though. 

Oh, and I forgot to mention all the rainbows we saw in VT. At least 2, possibly 3. Always brought a smile to my face.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Seeking Posititivity

As you can imagine, we were heart broken on Friday when the nurse called and told us that my Hcg went from 205 to 300. In most pregnancies, they like to see the number double every 24-48 hours. However, that's only in 85% of pregnancies. In the other 15%, those numbers take longer to double. Sometimes between 3 and 4 days. Which is what we believe is happening here.

I did a little research on Friday, and some more today. I've found in a few places that even if your numbers don't double, a 60% increase is considered normal. I was 68%! I'm seeing that as a good sign.

I won't lie, I really freaked out on Friday when they called. I was at work, and managed to hold it together on the phone with the nurse. Until I called my husband. That's when the water works turned on. I immediately thought that this pregnancy will end the same as the last. (You can't help to go there, since that's the only place you've ever been.) I had a hard time pulling myself together, which my boss unfortunately noticed, and sent me home. Thank the Lord. I went home, curled up on the sofa, and took a much needed nap.

It wasn't until Saturday, that I started taking on a different view of what's happening. The only 2 true increases in Hcg that documents a pregnancy have been through IVF. In both cases, my Hcg started high, then slowed down. I'm choosing to see this as this is just how my body works. Instead of the alternative, possible ectopic pregnancy, or early sign of miscarriage.

My body hasn't really ever done anything according to the "normal" standards. So why would this be the same? Beats me. So I choose to be positive. I still feel very pregnant. Nausea. Exhaustion. Peeing a lot. My boobs hurt so bad, that hugs are given lightly these days. Plus they've become super veiny. I'm swollen, to the point where my pants aren't buttoned today, but held together by an elastic (which works great!). And I have endless mucus. And not just the progesterone leaking out, more like tacky egg whites. All great signs!!!!

Tomorrow I'll be heading in for another round of blood work. I tried to get them to do an ultrasound as well, but they keep saying it's too early. We did get the go ahead to go on vacation, which we were thrilled about. Originally, the nurse told us to hold off. But I spoke with her this morning, and she spoke with our doctor. They both agreed that we should head up north, but locate a lab in case we need to have another round of blood work done.

So that is our current plan. Early am blood draw. Home to pack and load up the car, then off to VT until Sunday. We'll get a call later in the day tomorrow with the current Hcg levels. Fingers crossed they've gone up at least 60%! If they haven't doubled, like they hope to see, then probably another blood draw in a few days. Then possible ultrasound, I'm guessing next week. Tomorrow is 5 weeks though, so Amen to that!

PS- I may have peed on a stick Sat and today. Just wanted to be sure that dark line was still present, which it was! Yay!

Friday, November 9, 2012

Nothing goes smoothly

As I've said before, Hcg should double every 24-48 hours.

I've gone from 205 to 300 in 48 hours.

Next round of blood work is Tuesday. Now intruding on our vacation plans. We'll be waiting for their call before we can head to VT. If news is good, we'll be on our way. If news is bad, we'll be having an ultrasound.

Prayers and positive thoughts are strongly encouraged. Please and thank you!

First Trimester Advice?

Fear. It's what usually keeps us from doing something. Or it drives us not to do something. In IVF, fear is usually a huge factor. You fear you won't make any viable eggs. You fear your embryos won't grow. You fear you won't have any frozen embryos. You fear the embryos won't implant. You fear you won't create enough hcg. You fear scheduling anything remotely to do with future appointments. Especially if you've had previous miscarriages.

There's always that fear inside of you, dreading that the past will repeat its self. That you won't make it through the first trimester. That you'll schedule ultrasound appointments for 8 weeks, but you won't make it that long.

I am doing my best to remove the fear. Remove all those negative thoughts, concerns, past memories, anything that hinders giving these two little embybabies a chance. After all, this is a new pregnancy. It is new life that is growing. It's been 2 years, and I'm different. My body is different. (Sigh) This IVF cycle was different. Research has changed and prompted new protocols. Like taking progesterone until 10 weeks instead of 6. Things are just different.

How can you follow what your gut is telling you to do when that fear grips you from inside, and digs its nails in? Here's my thoughts on the matter.

1. Be your own advocate. Listen to what your body is telling you. Listen to your symptoms. If they seem to disappear, call your doctor and demand an appointment. If they get too severe, call your doctor.

2. Be proactive. Make appointments with your OB, even though you are still working with the fertility center. Let them know your past, and your fears, and be sure that you are being heard. Having those appointments scheduled will give you something to look forward to, and some peace of mind.

3. Listen to your gut. If you think you have issues with progesterone levels, ask your doctor for a prescription after voicing your concerns. If they are truly caring, they'll look into it further, or continue to monitor. From what I know and researched, extra progesterone isn't a bad thing.

4. Find something to do that keeps you calm. I don't care what it is, but if it works, stick with it. I never thought I'd be working full time and going through IVF, and let me tell you, sitting at a desk all day has reeked havoc on my health and stress levels. I've found listening to meditative/yoga music, really helps.

5. Stay active. You'll sleep better. Your stress levels will go down. You'll keep the weight gain under control. And hopefully you'll help to keep that fear away. Make sure to never get breathless, and don't start any strenuous routines will pregnant. Start simply by walking at a normal pace. As your body adjusts, listen to it.

6. Eat well. Let me rephrase that: Eat Healthy! Everything you take in, your baby takes in. And especially early on, your baby needs so many nutrients to grow. I'm a firm believer that what you eat while you're pregnant, is what your child will crave later on. Try to fight bad cravings, and ask your self "What nutrients does the baby and myself need?" before you decide on what to eat.

Anyone else have good advice on how to get through the first trimester?

Thursday, November 8, 2012

4 Weeks, 2 Days

It's early. I mean super early. In IVF, you are basically starting from Week 1 of pregnancy. And I don't mean the first week you know, because technically that's Week 4. Week one starts when your menstrual flow does. Your body begins by creating follicles on your ovaries after menstruation  These follicles are eggs. One of those lucky follicles will actually ovulate and release an egg (Week 2). It's this exact time, give or take a few days, that normally you and your spouse would have unbelievable amounts of unprotected sex. Then the sperm would penetrate the egg, fertilizing it. The cells would begin to split and eventually make their way down to your uterus (Week 3). Then implant its self in your lining. And about 5 days later, you'd start showing HcG elevation, most likely showing up on a home test (Week 4).

Not in IVF though.

Week 1 begins with Lupron which suppresses your ovaries. At this time, you might start creating follicles. Sometime around Day 10 you'll start taking Gonal F. The Gonal F helps to mature these follicles, and helps them to grow to appropriate ovulation sizes. Your doc will monitor and let you know when to take your Trigger shot (HcG) to help truly mature these eggs so that they'll be ready for Egg Retrieval (ER) (Week 2). ER harvests your eggs from all those growing follicles. It's at this time they'll take the man's sperm and either mix it in the dish with the eggs, or ICSI, inject them in the eggs. Then the'll watch them grow. And eventually, if you're lucky you'll have some gorgeous looking embryos. Then they'll take the embryo and implant it directly into your uterus (Week 2.5). A few days later, between days 4-10 post transfer, that little embryo will begin implanting it's self, or nuzzling as I like to call it, into your lining. Then 12 days post transfer, you'll have a blood test to determine if you're pregnant or not. (Week 4)

Now for those of us who are vocal about our experiences, as excited as we are that we've made it this far, and we want to yell it to everyone we know, it's still a scary time. Many times these pregnancies end in what they call chemical pregnancies, where the embryo implants, secrets HcG, but then stops growing. Or, your HcG may not elevate properly, meaning your body is not withholding the pregnancy.

Follow up blood work is usually done 2-3 days after your first positive blood test. This is to ensure that your HcG is increasing. Normally they like to see a 60% increase within 48 hours. Until that happens, you really aren't in the clear. Then there's the long wait for your first ultrasound to be sure there is a heartbeat.

Our first time around 2 years ago, my HcG was not elevating properly. I believe we ended up having 3-4 blood draws to monitor the increases. After the 3rd or 4th, my doctor insisted on an ultrasound to be sure we weren't having an ectopic pregnancy. Thankfully we weren't, and we had our first amazing little flickering heart beat appear on the screen. This was around 6 weeks. It was sometime between then and 9 weeks that that little heart beat failed to continue.

So ask me if I'm still paranoid about things? HELL YES!

Step 1 is really getting pregnant.

Step 2 is staying pregnant.

Hopefully we'll have a better idea if that is happening after tomorrow's blood draw. So please continue to pray for us, and sending all those positive thoughts. They are still greatly needed as we are just at 4 weeks and 2 days. (Most people wait until 12-13 weeks, the start of 2nd trimester, before they share their great news.) Thank you again for all your support, we have been truly blessed to have so many people looking out for us, and we appreciate your continued support!

Sometimes it helps to have a visual, so here they are, our two beautiful embryos. The one on the left was the very active one. I say left is a boy, and right is a girl. (I pictured her rolling her eyes at her brother doing somersaults.) Here's to hoping that they both have stuck around.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Step #1

sex and the city!

Somehow this seems so perfect for today. The stress, anxiety....the waiting......and waiting......and's never freaking ending. 

Of course of all days, my boss invites me to lunch with him and our new CEO to discuss our marketing strategies. The only thing I could think of was: "Are you kidding? My phone is going to ring!" How the heck am I supposed to take my phone call during that lunch. I contemplated letting them leave a voicemail. That way I could listen back to it. I could listen again if I black out. I would actually have all the information somewhere. 

So there I sat for a full hour, staring at my phone, praying it wouldn't ring. Praying I wouldn't have to excuse myself from the table, and not look like a crazy person as I sprint out the door to answer it. The walk to the car, phone in hand. Drive in the car, phone in hand. Leaving the restaurant, phone in hand.

So what happens?

Nothing. My phone never rang. Insert huge sigh of relief.

Now in the past, they usually call between 1 and 3pm. On occasion, they call later. I've noticed that the later calls usually pertain to scheduling another appointment. They wait until the end of the day to organize tomorrow's schedule. However, that doesn't effect me today. So what the hell was with the wait?

Then 3pm rolled around, and my phone was still not vibrating. 

Then 3:30. 

Then 4.

At this point I am super frustrated. So I call my nursing team only to get their voicemail. They stop checking messages at 4pm. 10 mins late. Good job Celia! 

I look at my phone after and realize, I have old voicemails. Probably should delete them. 5 to be exact. (I suck at checking messages.)

#5 however was quite interesting, seeing as I've had my phone with me all day! My nurse has called, stating she wishes she had reached me in congratulate us!

We are officially pregnant!

But I already knew that. ;)

Step #1 has been achieved! Step#2 is staying pregnant. Follow up blood work on Friday to recheck HcG levels. Then about 3.5 weeks later is the ultrasound.

Thank you so much everyone for all your positive thoughts, prayers, words of encouragement. 
They are so greatly appreciated!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

The "T" word

There is a word that keeps coming up, all around me. It's starting to frighten me. More so because we honestly don't know what's happening at the moment. Yet every where we turn, the dreaded word keeps appearing. In stories of others. Around coworkers. E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E!

Now don't get me wrong, we will welcome whatever life has thrown our way. I just find it odd, that every where we turn, someone else is telling us about


At our embryo transfer appointment, the receptionist told us about a recent patient who walked out of their ultrasound crying. Come to find out, after 3 years of trying, they were expecting 3! And dad was ghostly white with panic. (Kind of how I picture my hubby turning if that happens to us.)

We've joked that that active little embryo doing somersaults in his dish (we pictured him saying "WEEEEEEE!!!!!) split. Just because the little guy wouldn't sit still.

Come to find out, 3 day transfers have a higher chance of splitting. That's why most docs prefer day 5 transfers to help cut down on the odds.

Friends and family have both joked that we'll end up with 3.

I just over heard a coworker talking about friends that had triplets.

I am one of three. Both my sisters have 3 kids.

So what are the odds? Well, I guess we'll find out.

First things first though, am I pregnant?

Monday, November 5, 2012

2 Days and Counting

What a great weekend! And a perfect distraction. We headed out of work early on Friday, and headed up to Waterville Valley for the wedding of one of my dearest friends. We arrived around 5:30 and hauled all our stuff up to our condo. Then headed over to the bride and groom's suite.

Spent Friday evening among friends with a family style potluck dinner. Some drinks (not for me of course). Lots of desserts. And a few games. I was wiped around 7pm, as per usual. I snuck off a few times, and ended up getting in my pjs around 9pm. Yoga pants seem to become a dear friend over the past week. Between cramping and some serious bloating, elastics are like heaven.

Now I rarely sleep well in other places, which I am used to. I always pack ear plugs now, and keep to my normal nightly routine. Brush. Wash my face. Put on my noise machine. Read for about 30 mins, or until my eyes get heavy. I'm guessing I was asleep by 10:30.

At 3:15 I woke up, for some reason I had ripped my ear plugs out, and my bladder was feeling like it might explode. So I tip toed to the bathroom where I released, what felt like, a gallon of water. Then crept back into bed. And at 5:20, my bladder was feeling full again. So off I went for round 2. Then round 3 at 7:30. So needless to say, I slept like shit. But was amazingly pretty much awake all day.

The wedding was gorgeous, and the bride looked absolutely stunning. Exceptional food for dinner, and surrounded by friends. What more can you ask for? Oh, about no intense cramps so you can enjoy the reception? Around 7pm, I was so completely consumed by exhaustion. I usually spend the entire evening on the dance floor. Instead spent most of the night in my seat. I made the mistake of wearing Spanx, seeing as I feel like a fat blob at the moment. Those ended up getting taken off around 9pm, and shoved in hubby's coat.

Reception wrapped up around 10pm, at which time we headed back to our condo to change. And yes, out came the yoga pants. There wasn't a chance in hell I was putting on jeans. Yoga pants, long sleeve shirt, and down vest. We headed back down to the local bar where there was a 70's themed birthday party complete with wigs, Go Go boots, bell bottoms, the works. Attempted to dance a little more, but headed out around 11:30.

Saturday night, I slept great. Thank the Lord! From about midnight to 7am, which was technically 8am with day light savings time. But again, was woken up by a full bladder, otherwise I probably would have slept for several more hours. We packed up and headed home around 10am. Dropped off our friend, and stepped in our front door around  12:30. At which time, I again threw on some yoga pants, and curled up on the sofa with hubby. Ended up taking a much needed 2 hour nap.

Definitely felt some intense implantation cramping after our nap. So glad we took the day to lounge and relax, I certainly needed it. Only 2 days left until the blood test. My impatience has definitely gotten the best of me though, so I have an idea of what the results will be.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

The Beauty of Acupuncture

I realize that many people are not pro-acupuncture, like I am. But let me tell you, it makes a difference! I've been seeing Maya from Maya Acupuncture in Concord. From the moment we first spoke, I knew she would be/is truly amazing. She is a complete wealth of knowledge and is so thorough.

My first appointment she was able to squeeze in last minute on the day of our transfer. She only had 45 mins, but the 30 mins I was sitting there all poked and prodded  I was completely relaxed. Most of the needles I couldn't even feel. There were a couple in my feet/ankles, one in each knee, a couple in my ears, on my neck....and the last one she put in was right between my eye brows. I felt nothing until that last one went in. Immediately it started radiating down to the couple around my collar bone. We were channeling Qi. (For those of you not familiar with the term, you can read more here.)

That first appointment I didn't feel much, besides complete relaxation. At one point I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. But yesterday I went back for another round, this time a full hour. Similar placement of the needles. Except for one new one. She asked at the beginning of the appointment how I was feeling. "Well, I'm feeling pregnant." She smiled, and seemed surprised. I wasn't kidding though. I went through everything I've been feeling with her, as she continued to smile.

Once all the usual needles were in, she put one right on the top of my head. I was slightly nervous, and may have cringed a little when she told me to take a deep breath in then out. But I hardly felt it. She said this needle will help pull my energy up since I've been so tired. I just smiled and laid there, not entirely believing that this was even possible. She also kept feeling my pulse. At one point I asked what it was she was looking for. Apparently during pregnancy, your heartbeat becomes more liquid-y  not as intense. (I know she used a different word, but for the life of my, I can't remember.) Supposedly mine was doing just that. Then she followed up with the fact that progesterone is known to do the same thing. Damn.

I had a difficult time relaxing. I noticed a few times I twinged a little, and my shoulders kept tensing up around my ears. I tried to focus on deep breaths and removing myself from the room. It took a while, but I finally got there. Complete relaxation for about 10 mins. At least it's something!

Now usually, around 2 or 3pm everyday, I start to lose steam. My body starts dragging even more, and my steps slow to a leisurely pace. Not yesterday. That little needle at the top of my head apparently worked wonders, because I was full steam until about 7pm. And that's when I hit the wall. I stayed late at work, then popped into the grocery store for a few things. Made it all the way home, and BAM! Wall. Thankfully my husband was already home and in no rush for dinner.

Easy night. Pretty sure I fell asleep around 8:30 on the sofa.

Having that extra energy though, as much as I welcome it, it made me doubt myself. Since 3 days post transfer, I've been convinced I'm pregnant. The acupuncture has been working, and relieving some of those symptoms. Making me doubt whether what I'm feeling is real, or just the side effects of the progesterone supplement. And as much as I enjoy the relief, I think I enjoy the signs much more. It's the signs that are giving me hope. It's the signs that are getting me through those spells of exhaustion.

I woke up this morning feeling great. No signs all morning while getting ready for work. Showered. Make up. Hair. Breakfast. Drove to work. And as soon as I stepped out of my car, there it was. The cramps. The amazing cramps reminding me that there are two little embryos in there working hard to continue to grow. 2 little ones that continued to make me nauseous, and kept me from inhaling my breakfast.

6 more days. (half way through the long wait)

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

8 more days

I'm officially 4 days in to my 12 day wait, and let me tell you, this shit is torturous! Every cramp, twinge, stomach turn, flatulence sends my emotions racing. Now I understand that all these things can be chalked up to me just being plain old crazy, but I must say there are several things forcing me to believe that we may exactly be the P word.

1. Nauseous- 

Began Sunday morning, and has continued. It's mainly prior to eating breakfast. I've been sticking to my VegaOne protein smoothie in the mornings to help keep me balanced, hydrated and packed with nutrients. I'm pretty sure it's helping. Probably because it takes me about 3 hours to finish it. So about every 5-10 mins I take a sip. I've found snacking and eating every 2-3 hours seems to be ideal.

2. Cramping- 

I started feeling it as early as Saturday. Yes, this can definitely be from the catheter and transfer procedure. But honestly, yesterday and today it has intensified. To the point yesterday evening that I almost took some Tylenol. And supposedly day 4 post transfer is when the little ones really starting nuzzling in and implanting. (Do your thang embryos! I can take it!)

3. Exhaustion- 

Good Lord am I tired! Mornings I'm usually pretty much wide awake, but by the afternoon I am crawling my way to the sofa. I'm usually one of those people who "runs" instead of walks at a normal pace. So when I attempt to move at my normal race speed, it's like I've been hit by a truck and can only move at a zombie's crawl. It literally feels like my uterus is slowing me down, holding me back from moving too quickly.

4. Flatulence- 

Yeah, that dreaded thing that happens to us all. Thankfully it seems to be only bad around evening time. Let's hope it stays that way. (We recently watched What To Expect When You're Expecting, and every time I relieve gas, I think of Elizabeth Banks trying to convince her husband that "It's the babies!")

5. Craving-

Chocolate. Candy. Anything sweet pretty much. Mostly chocolate though.
Vegetables. Yeah, complete opposites, I know. But every time I go to eat, I keep finding myself asking if it has ample nutrients for the little ones trying to grow. And I re-evaluate, and end up choosing something healthier, something with a higher veggie content.

6. Feeling-

The P word. Yes. I feel like I am. (But honestly, it could be the fact that I just want to be so badly. Mind games, ya know?) However, if you asked me flat out and I could not lie, I'd say yes. (Shhhhh, don't tell!)

Unfortunately, all these things can be from the progesterone and estrogen they have me taking. Every single one of them, except the Feeling. All the other symptoms can be caused by any number of things. So for now, I will continue to keep my emotions at bay, continue trying to eat healthier, and focus on getting through the next 8 days. Preferably without taking a home test. (Well, maybe just one?)

8 more long, torturous days to go, oh boy.

Monday, October 29, 2012


I always find it amazing just how small our world really is. And how you can meet someone for the first time, and have similar friends. These things are my life's little pleasures. And one of the truly amazing things about blogging, is how many people reach out to you either with similar situations, or affects your story has had on them.

I have been truly blessed to have been in contact with several women struggling to conceive right along side of us. For a few of them, I've been able to share in their joy of conceiving. For a few of them, we've walked similar paths and have recently explored new routes. For a few of them, we've never met, yet talk daily through email, supporting and encouraging one another.

These are all the things that you don't see here. The private connections that take place behind the scenes. The continued interactions that have helped to keep me positive but realistic. The stories shared of their struggles to conceive, their losses, and recommendations. There's only a 50% chance of conceiving through IVF. And a 30-40% chance of twins when transferring 2 embryos. So what does that mean? I'm scared shitless. So thank you everyone for all the positive comments and hopes that are keeping us going!

For my two ladies currently pregnant: I can not wait to see you and your bumps! (Maybe they can rub some of their luck off on me.)

For my two ladies going through IVF for the first time: I'm here for you, whatever you need. It's such a long, edge of your seat process. Try to stay calm and relaxed. Much easier said than done, I know.

And for me, 9 more days until we are confirmed. Attempting to keep myself busy for 9 more days, and hinder any urges to take a home test. (Yeah, right.)

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Sunday Evening

As I sit here with the screen lit, New England is preparing for it's first hurricane in a long time. Instead of running off to the super market to stock up on food and supplies to prepare, we headed to the supermarket for snacks for the Pats game. (Which they kicked ass!) While we were walking through the produce section, a woman pulled her carriage up next to us. Sitting in her extra long carriage, were two beautiful twin girls. Complete with sparkly red shoes.

Hubby and I looked at each other, and smiled.

As early as Saturday, I have had mild to light cramping. I was pretty tired too. Which both are expected after the transfer.

The transfer.

It went well. We saw several other couples having their 3 day transfers as well, saw them first on Tuesday at our egg retrieval. One woman was apparently nervous as hell, as she clung to her husband and confessed "I didn't think I wanted the Valium, but now I want it!" He gracefully gave in to her request. The poor girl was sweating pretty bad too, as a nurse tried to wrap her with a warm blanket. She looked up and said "Do I have to have this?" "Oh no" the nurse said. "Good because I am so warm right now" Poor girl.

We got to talking with them, turns out they have secondary infertility. They were able to conceive their son on their own 2 years ago, without any problems. But when it came around for number two, they had no such luck. 3 fresh IVF cycles, 1 embryo each later, they were back to try 2 embryos. They are apparently just as worried as we are about having twins.


That's what is currently in my uterus. Out of the 3 embryos, 2 were 8 cells, Grade A, and with very little fragmentation. The 3rd was only 6 cells, with high amounts of fragmentation. They do not believe it will reach cryo phase. The 2 healthy embryos were shown to us on a screen in out transfer room, prior to the actual transfer. One of the little guys, the one on the left to be exact, was doing somersaults. I kid you not. The little guy was moving around like crazy. (Hubby and I think he was hooting and hollering as he rolled around in his droplet of water. How fun.) The one on the right was far more serious. Probably rolling her eyes at her brother. At least I hope.

So as I lay there, with my lady parts exposed to one doctor, a nurse, an ultra sound tech, and a lab tech, my husband and I held hands and fought back tears of excitement. Everything has gone so well, and smoothly, we keep hoping that these two little ones are our take home babies. We hope there's two, but will welcome whatever ends up happening. Because after all, we have no control over this. Just hope.

Blood test isn't for another 10 days, but I already know what I'm feeling. Hoping it remains the same.