Thursday, December 6, 2012

When to pull the "crazy pregnant lady" card

For the first few weeks of my pregnancy, I have had this unbelievable calming sensation hovering over me. It was keeping my nerves at bay, my thoughts positive, and my expectations low. It was helping me get through each day without the overwhelming worry that comes after you've had a miscarriage in the past.

What I've found is that most women who've had a miscarriage, then get pregnant again, they don't allow themselves to enjoy their pregnancy. They are constantly on the edge of their seat, waiting for the floor to drop or for the rug to be pulled out from under their feet. Each day seems like a decade and each twinge initiates a million questions filled with panic.

Knowing this is the furthest we've come (developmentally) in a pregnancy, my only thing to compare it to, is the first. I've been checking in with myself every hour to be sure I'm feeling pressure, or nausea, or breast tenderness, or super smelling capabilities. I almost didn't have Monday's acupuncture appointment, in fear that my symptoms might disappear and leave me questioning if this pregnancy is still viable.

And that's exactly what has happened.

I woke up Tuesday at the normal time, did my normal morning routine, not expecting much. Drove to work, at which time my stomach is usually ravenous and ready to be fed. And throughout the rest of the day...

no nausea....

no exhaustion....

utter fear.

I tried to stay calm and convince myself that all is well, and I'm just over reacting. My only slight nausea didn't come until 9pm after dinner. And Wednesday was about the same. No nausea. No exhaustion. At some points I really felt like I was being overtaken by bouts of adrenaline. The only slight signs I was feeling were some mild pressure, and a few twinges of round ligament stretching. Once and awhile my breasts would feel pretty tender, and I might feel some mild flutters, but they were rare.

This morning though, letting my worry get the best of me, I put in a call to my doctor. Thus pulling the "crazy pregnant lady" card. I really called to see if this change was normal, which they said it is. But because I already have a consult with the nutritionist in their practice, they asked me to pop by before for an ultrasound.

And this is why I love my OB.

All I did was state my concern and give a brief history, and they fit me right. And although I still feel pretty positive, I'm still nervous as hell as to what may happen. The first time I knew, deep down, that it would be bad news. Today though, I don't have that feeling. I have the "You're being crazy" feeling. Of course today hubby has meetings all day and won't be able to attend. So I'm facing this one solo. Fingers crossed and saying prayers.

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