Sitting at one of the many weddings we've attended this summer, I was thrown into a conversation I usually avoid. The one where you meet someone for the first time, and they ask if you have kids. Yeah, that one. I'd also like to state that about 20 mins prior, I was asked by a distant family member if we had kids yet. Then was proceeded to be told to take our time, and enjoy every minute. (Not as awful as some people. It was more kind and out of concern to remind us to enjoy life. That conversation was welcomed.)
The second was not.
Some people just don't get it.
For whatever reason, they have not been exposed to, nor close to anyone who has had difficulty conceiving. Because if they had, they would know when to stop talking. And I don't mean that rudely. I mean that they blatantly disregard knowing when their "thoughtful" words, are the wrong choice.
So sitting at this wedding, next to a very lovely couple, might I add. The kind of couple you hope to be sat next to when you know no one. We got to know where they came from, where they work, how they met, etc. And then comes the question....."Do you have kids?" I kindly respond "No. You?"
They continue to tell us that if they had not got drunk one night, they wouldn't have any either. But alas, they have a son, whom they adore.
My first thought was, oh great. Another one of those couples.
She continued to discuss how they didn't want kids, and everything else you don't want to hear when you are struggling to conceive. I continued to keep my mouth shut and politely changed the subject.
About an hour later though, we were back to the same conversation. Still talking about how they didn't want kids, and telling us don't bother, etc. At that point my manners disappeared. Because after 3.5 years of trying to get pregnant, and experiencing 2 miscarriages, you lose your manners quickly.
So I turned to her and said "Actually we've been trying for years." And gave the look like "You need to stop talking now." Which she missed, or ignored, and replied "You just need to get drunk. That will work."
"No, it won't. Trust me." was all I could come up with.
"Seriously, it works! Just get really drunk and enjoy your night!" she replied.
"NO. It doesn't work for everyone." At this point I'm getting angry. Why? This girl obviously doesn't understand nor will she. But I was done. Done with all the stupid comments people make. Done with the ignorance.
I'm glad people don't understand. Honestly, I hope people don't understand.
But what I expect, is compassion. I give all the hints and clues that this conversation is not one you want to have with me. Take the bait people! Know when to stop giving advice.
Anyone else have this happen recently? How long do you give the person before you speak up?
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
For all my fellow inftertiles out there, I read a great article on when adoption fails. It's a little long, but take a moment to read it. If you're considering adoption, it's best to have all the information you can to make a sound decision.
|It Takes More Than Love - What happens when adoption fails|