Monday, December 17, 2012

Hormones anyone?

I remember years ago when I was on the pill, and could not regulate my emotions. I joked with my husband, who could barely handle the roller coaster ride, that one day I'd be pregnant, and this is exactly what it would be like. And no joke, it is. Poor guy.

I must say I've done really well until this week. I find myself losing patience so quickly and snapping at my poor hubby who's usually just trying to help. I get flustered and upset even when a dish is moved. (Yet I moved it and blamed hubby. Oops.)

In the wake of the recent CT tragedy, I've been avoiding the subject at all cost. I read one article and was shaking and fighting back tears at work on Friday. So all weekend I said my prayers and kept them in my thoughts, but avoided discussing the incident with anyone.

While we were watching the Pats last night, the game was interrupted for the President's speech at the CT high school. I did well at first, listening but ultimately trying not to. The horror that took place, for me, was beyond comprehension. It's taken me for 4 years to get pregnant, and the thought of my child going to kindergarten and the possibility of being shot is far too much for me to handle right now. Losing a child is not something any parent should have to suffer through.

I didn't cry. Not one tear. I sat silent. Until the President began reading their names. The students and the adults. I immediately began sobbing, completely overcome with emotion and asked hubby to change the channel. Which was hopeless because the broadcast was on pretty much every station. So I sat and cried. Knowing part of it was hormones and part was sheer anger that this could happen.

So here it is. Another change this week. One I was hoping would not happen. But it's arrived. So if I begin crying, or yelling or flipping out at you for no reason at all, I apologize in advance.

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