4 Weeks, 2 Days

It's early. I mean super early. In IVF, you are basically starting from Week 1 of pregnancy. And I don't mean the first week you know, because technically that's Week 4. Week one starts when your menstrual flow does. Your body begins by creating follicles on your ovaries after menstruation  These follicles are eggs. One of those lucky follicles will actually ovulate and release an egg (Week 2). It's this exact time, give or take a few days, that normally you and your spouse would have unbelievable amounts of unprotected sex. Then the sperm would penetrate the egg, fertilizing it. The cells would begin to split and eventually make their way down to your uterus (Week 3). Then implant its self in your lining. And about 5 days later, you'd start showing HcG elevation, most likely showing up on a home test (Week 4).

Not in IVF though.

Week 1 begins with Lupron which suppresses your ovaries. At this time, you might start creating follicles. Sometime around Day 10 you'll start taking Gonal F. The Gonal F helps to mature these follicles, and helps them to grow to appropriate ovulation sizes. Your doc will monitor and let you know when to take your Trigger shot (HcG) to help truly mature these eggs so that they'll be ready for Egg Retrieval (ER) (Week 2). ER harvests your eggs from all those growing follicles. It's at this time they'll take the man's sperm and either mix it in the dish with the eggs, or ICSI, inject them in the eggs. Then the'll watch them grow. And eventually, if you're lucky you'll have some gorgeous looking embryos. Then they'll take the embryo and implant it directly into your uterus (Week 2.5). A few days later, between days 4-10 post transfer, that little embryo will begin implanting it's self, or nuzzling as I like to call it, into your lining. Then 12 days post transfer, you'll have a blood test to determine if you're pregnant or not. (Week 4)

Now for those of us who are vocal about our experiences, as excited as we are that we've made it this far, and we want to yell it to everyone we know, it's still a scary time. Many times these pregnancies end in what they call chemical pregnancies, where the embryo implants, secrets HcG, but then stops growing. Or, your HcG may not elevate properly, meaning your body is not withholding the pregnancy.

Follow up blood work is usually done 2-3 days after your first positive blood test. This is to ensure that your HcG is increasing. Normally they like to see a 60% increase within 48 hours. Until that happens, you really aren't in the clear. Then there's the long wait for your first ultrasound to be sure there is a heartbeat.

Our first time around 2 years ago, my HcG was not elevating properly. I believe we ended up having 3-4 blood draws to monitor the increases. After the 3rd or 4th, my doctor insisted on an ultrasound to be sure we weren't having an ectopic pregnancy. Thankfully we weren't, and we had our first amazing little flickering heart beat appear on the screen. This was around 6 weeks. It was sometime between then and 9 weeks that that little heart beat failed to continue.

So ask me if I'm still paranoid about things? HELL YES!

Step 1 is really getting pregnant.

Step 2 is staying pregnant.

Hopefully we'll have a better idea if that is happening after tomorrow's blood draw. So please continue to pray for us, and sending all those positive thoughts. They are still greatly needed as we are just at 4 weeks and 2 days. (Most people wait until 12-13 weeks, the start of 2nd trimester, before they share their great news.) Thank you again for all your support, we have been truly blessed to have so many people looking out for us, and we appreciate your continued support!

Sometimes it helps to have a visual, so here they are, our two beautiful embryos. The one on the left was the very active one. I say left is a boy, and right is a girl. (I pictured her rolling her eyes at her brother doing somersaults.) Here's to hoping that they both have stuck around.

2 Days and Counting

What a great weekend! And a perfect distraction. We headed out of work early on Friday, and headed up to Waterville Valley for the wedding of one of my dearest friends. We arrived around 5:30 and hauled all our stuff up to our condo. Then headed over to the bride and groom's suite.

Spent Friday evening among friends with a family style potluck dinner. Some drinks (not for me of course). Lots of desserts. And a few games. I was wiped around 7pm, as per usual. I snuck off a few times, and ended up getting in my pjs around 9pm. Yoga pants seem to become a dear friend over the past week. Between cramping and some serious bloating, elastics are like heaven.

Now I rarely sleep well in other places, which I am used to. I always pack ear plugs now, and keep to my normal nightly routine. Brush. Wash my face. Put on my noise machine. Read for about 30 mins, or until my eyes get heavy. I'm guessing I was asleep by 10:30.

At 3:15 I woke up, for some reason I had ripped my ear plugs out, and my bladder was feeling like it might explode. So I tip toed to the bathroom where I released, what felt like, a gallon of water. Then crept back into bed. And at 5:20, my bladder was feeling full again. So off I went for round 2. Then round 3 at 7:30. So needless to say, I slept like shit. But was amazingly pretty much awake all day.

The wedding was gorgeous, and the bride looked absolutely stunning. Exceptional food for dinner, and surrounded by friends. What more can you ask for? Oh, um.....how about no intense cramps so you can enjoy the reception? Around 7pm, I was so completely consumed by exhaustion. I usually spend the entire evening on the dance floor. Instead spent most of the night in my seat. I made the mistake of wearing Spanx, seeing as I feel like a fat blob at the moment. Those ended up getting taken off around 9pm, and shoved in hubby's coat.

Reception wrapped up around 10pm, at which time we headed back to our condo to change. And yes, out came the yoga pants. There wasn't a chance in hell I was putting on jeans. Yoga pants, long sleeve shirt, and down vest. We headed back down to the local bar where there was a 70's themed birthday party complete with wigs, Go Go boots, bell bottoms, the works. Attempted to dance a little more, but headed out around 11:30.

Saturday night, I slept great. Thank the Lord! From about midnight to 7am, which was technically 8am with day light savings time. But again, was woken up by a full bladder, otherwise I probably would have slept for several more hours. We packed up and headed home around 10am. Dropped off our friend, and stepped in our front door around  12:30. At which time, I again threw on some yoga pants, and curled up on the sofa with hubby. Ended up taking a much needed 2 hour nap.

Definitely felt some intense implantation cramping after our nap. So glad we took the day to lounge and relax, I certainly needed it. Only 2 days left until the blood test. My impatience has definitely gotten the best of me though, so I have an idea of what the results will be.

The Beauty of Acupuncture

I realize that many people are not pro-acupuncture, like I am. But let me tell you, it makes a difference! I've been seeing Maya from Maya Acupuncture in Concord. From the moment we first spoke, I knew she would be/is truly amazing. She is a complete wealth of knowledge and is so thorough.

My first appointment she was able to squeeze in last minute on the day of our transfer. She only had 45 mins, but the 30 mins I was sitting there all poked and prodded  I was completely relaxed. Most of the needles I couldn't even feel. There were a couple in my feet/ankles, one in each knee, a couple in my ears, on my neck....and the last one she put in was right between my eye brows. I felt nothing until that last one went in. Immediately it started radiating down to the couple around my collar bone. We were channeling Qi. (For those of you not familiar with the term, you can read more here.)

That first appointment I didn't feel much, besides complete relaxation. At one point I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. But yesterday I went back for another round, this time a full hour. Similar placement of the needles. Except for one new one. She asked at the beginning of the appointment how I was feeling. "Well, I'm feeling pregnant." She smiled, and seemed surprised. I wasn't kidding though. I went through everything I've been feeling with her, as she continued to smile.

Once all the usual needles were in, she put one right on the top of my head. I was slightly nervous, and may have cringed a little when she told me to take a deep breath in then out. But I hardly felt it. She said this needle will help pull my energy up since I've been so tired. I just smiled and laid there, not entirely believing that this was even possible. She also kept feeling my pulse. At one point I asked what it was she was looking for. Apparently during pregnancy, your heartbeat becomes more liquid-y  not as intense. (I know she used a different word, but for the life of my, I can't remember.) Supposedly mine was doing just that. Then she followed up with the fact that progesterone is known to do the same thing. Damn.

I had a difficult time relaxing. I noticed a few times I twinged a little, and my shoulders kept tensing up around my ears. I tried to focus on deep breaths and removing myself from the room. It took a while, but I finally got there. Complete relaxation for about 10 mins. At least it's something!

Now usually, around 2 or 3pm everyday, I start to lose steam. My body starts dragging even more, and my steps slow to a leisurely pace. Not yesterday. That little needle at the top of my head apparently worked wonders, because I was full steam until about 7pm. And that's when I hit the wall. I stayed late at work, then popped into the grocery store for a few things. Made it all the way home, and BAM! Wall. Thankfully my husband was already home and in no rush for dinner.

Easy night. Pretty sure I fell asleep around 8:30 on the sofa.

Having that extra energy though, as much as I welcome it, it made me doubt myself. Since 3 days post transfer, I've been convinced I'm pregnant. The acupuncture has been working, and relieving some of those symptoms. Making me doubt whether what I'm feeling is real, or just the side effects of the progesterone supplement. And as much as I enjoy the relief, I think I enjoy the signs much more. It's the signs that are giving me hope. It's the signs that are getting me through those spells of exhaustion.

I woke up this morning feeling great. No signs all morning while getting ready for work. Showered. Make up. Hair. Breakfast. Drove to work. And as soon as I stepped out of my car, there it was. The cramps. The amazing cramps reminding me that there are two little embryos in there working hard to continue to grow. 2 little ones that continued to make me nauseous, and kept me from inhaling my breakfast.

6 more days. (half way through the long wait)

Sunday Evening

As I sit here with the screen lit, New England is preparing for it's first hurricane in a long time. Instead of running off to the super market to stock up on food and supplies to prepare, we headed to the supermarket for snacks for the Pats game. (Which they kicked ass!) While we were walking through the produce section, a woman pulled her carriage up next to us. Sitting in her extra long carriage, were two beautiful twin girls. Complete with sparkly red shoes.

Hubby and I looked at each other, and smiled.

As early as Saturday, I have had mild to light cramping. I was pretty tired too. Which both are expected after the transfer.

The transfer.

It went well. We saw several other couples having their 3 day transfers as well, saw them first on Tuesday at our egg retrieval. One woman was apparently nervous as hell, as she clung to her husband and confessed "I didn't think I wanted the Valium, but now I want it!" He gracefully gave in to her request. The poor girl was sweating pretty bad too, as a nurse tried to wrap her with a warm blanket. She looked up and said "Do I have to have this?" "Oh no" the nurse said. "Good because I am so warm right now" Poor girl.

We got to talking with them, turns out they have secondary infertility. They were able to conceive their son on their own 2 years ago, without any problems. But when it came around for number two, they had no such luck. 3 fresh IVF cycles, 1 embryo each later, they were back to try 2 embryos. They are apparently just as worried as we are about having twins.

Twins.

That's what is currently in my uterus. Out of the 3 embryos, 2 were 8 cells, Grade A, and with very little fragmentation. The 3rd was only 6 cells, with high amounts of fragmentation. They do not believe it will reach cryo phase. The 2 healthy embryos were shown to us on a screen in out transfer room, prior to the actual transfer. One of the little guys, the one on the left to be exact, was doing somersaults. I kid you not. The little guy was moving around like crazy. (Hubby and I think he was hooting and hollering as he rolled around in his droplet of water. How fun.) The one on the right was far more serious. Probably rolling her eyes at her brother. At least I hope.

So as I lay there, with my lady parts exposed to one doctor, a nurse, an ultra sound tech, and a lab tech, my husband and I held hands and fought back tears of excitement. Everything has gone so well, and smoothly, we keep hoping that these two little ones are our take home babies. We hope there's two, but will welcome whatever ends up happening. Because after all, we have no control over this. Just hope.

Blood test isn't for another 10 days, but I already know what I'm feeling. Hoping it remains the same.

From 6 to 3

Yesterday's check in, I guess you could say, went well. From the 6 eggs they retrieved, only 4 were mature enough to ICSI. And one of those four did not play nice with the sperm. Which has left us with 3 embryos. As of yesterday the 3 contenders were at 2 cells each. Because of my "age" and the number of embryos we have, we've been told we will have a Day 3 transfer.

That was a shock.

This whole cycle has been a shock.

You truly never know what is going to happen with IVF. Something I've been sharing with many of you privately. Each cycle is different and your body reacts differently to the meds each time. So when we went from 13 eggs 2 years ago to 6 this cycle, I was beyond shocked. Then to hear that we only have 3 embryos (versus 8 before) I am on edge. My nurse was very positive though, and said that our odds are quite high and the fact that 4 out of the 6 eggs were mature, is wonderful. And the fact that 3 are growing strong is a great sign.

I'm continuously reminding myself that you only need one good one. You only need one good embryo to get pregnant. I know many people view embryos as babies, which I do as well. There is life forming, and growing in those 3 embryos. Those are our children, waiting to grow. Waiting to have a chance.

Today we'll be getting a report on how those 3 made it through the night. I can quite honestly say that I am a nervous wreck. I keep telling myself to remain positive, imagine how I want things to go. That foreseeing the future will help. That staying positive and sending those little embybabies all the positive energy I can, will help them mature.

So that is what I'm doing. I'm going to picture them tucked tightly into my uterus, home safe and sound, and growing on schedule.

It's hard to imagine if all 3 grow properly, what to do. How do you decide which 2 to choose? I was asked this morning if we'll be putting all 3 in. Unfortunately, because of my age, I doubt my doctor will go for that. Nor will my husband. Day 3 transfers are apparently more prone to multiples. One of the reasons they lean towards Day 5 transfers instead. Apparently the embryo has a higher chance of splitting once in it's normal environment than in the petri dish around day 3-4 growth.

What's a girl to do?

And the number is?

Egg retrieval. The dreaded day that you wait for weeks to come. You fear the event, the outcome, and whether or not you'll have any eggs to retrieve or any that will grow. Something I should not be afraid of seeing as the first round gave us 13 eggs. But I still was.

And of course, they were running an hour behind. Not being able to eat after midnight the night before, my stomach was growling. At some point it passed, and I was being wheeled into the procedure room. A lovely white, sterile room complete with massive stirrups and a crowd of nurses and doctors at the end. Thankfully they begin the anesthesia almost immediately to help you forget that all of these people are about to investigate your lady parts.

I wake up 30 mins later to my handsome husband rubbing my arm. Soon after the doctor comes out. "We retrieved 6 eggs" she says happily. 6? That's it?! That's all I can think. I know I should be happy, I should be thrilled that they retrieved any at all. But going from 13 to 6 in a matter of 2 years was quite depressing. What's wrong with me? Did the cyst hinder growth? Am I going through premature menopause? Are my eggs dying?

I try to calm myself down. My husband helps. 6. It's something. It's a start. After all, you only need one good one. In our case, 2. That's what we've decided on. 2 Embryos. (I may have been keeping this from you. My apologies.) Yes, our chance of twins increases, 30-40% to be exact. But after you've been trying to conceive for 4 years, twins is a welcome thought.

Yesterday, we got home, I devoured some Chinese take out, and passed out for a good 3 hours. Hubby had a conference call so I was on my own for a bit. After he finished up, he headed to the store for some extra strength Tylenol and gatorade. 2 things they recommended post retrieval. That and about 30g of protein each day. Oh, and I'm not allowed to do any Bikram or working out for the next week or so. Lovely. Only low impact yoga 3 days post retrieval. And no heavy lifting.

Today I woke up, still in pain. Achy ovaries, and absolutely exhausted. I knew sitting a desk all day long would probably make things worse. So I stayed home. Thankfully I did, because I've been sleeping all day. Tylenol. Gatorade. Sleep. Repeat.

Around 1pm, my phone rings. It's RSC. The nurse is checking up on me to see how I'm feeling, how my IV site is healing. She then updates me that I'll be getting a call around 3:30 today to let us know how our embryos are doing. I was originally told we wouldn't be getting a call until Thur morning to let us know when transfer would be. I plum forgot that they first call to let you know how ICSI went, and whether or not we have any growers.

Cross your fingers that our 6 little eggs are healthy and thriving!

It's Happening.

Sunday morning began with sunshine. A couple dropped tears as the emotions of everything are setting in, on our drive to the ultrasound. It's been 2 years, almost to the date of our first round. And as hopeful and positive as we've been, we still have our moments of ever loving fear. But we're holding it together, as best as possible. I'm seeing October as a positive sign. My Mom's birthday, sister's birthday, and grandfather's birthdays are all in October, along with a good friend's. We've both seen several rainbows and had some other signs along the way.

We arrived a few minutes late to RSC, but were taken in immediately for blood work. With in moments of heading back to the waiting room, we were called in for our ultrasound. There is one tech there that I absolutely love, and thankfully it was her day to work! She's so positive, always smiling, very thorough. At one point she was looking at our eggs and said "Go Team!". That's the kind of gal she is. Absolute gem.

As she begins scanning, she first views my uterine lining. We're up to 11! Anything over 7 or 8 is good. Then she shifts over to my left ovary and all you can see is huge dark spots. Those dark spots are follicles, all different sizes, all different shapes. She begins measuring. 18. 16. 22! 15..... So I asked what it is they want to see for sizes. "At least 3 measuring over 18." Then she moves over to the right side. 15. 12. 18. My mind begins to flood.....this is really happening! My body has made it to retrieval. It's still up in the air at this point, because the blood work needs to come back before any decisions can be made.

After the appointment, we drove up to Wachusett Mountain for their annual Apple Fest to meet up with some friends. Slightly chilly, but all in all, absolutely great day! Ran into a few friends, my hairdresser and the winner of the female 5K! Congrats to Val! Took the tram to the top.

As we were heading back to our car on the shuttle bus, my phone rings. It's the nurse from RSC. And of course, I don't have paper or a pen with me. Thank goodness for smart phones and email. As I'm listening to her, I look up to find one of my closest friends, her husband, cousin and her boyfriend sitting directly across from us. No joke. Small world people, small freaking world.

Estradiol is 1100.

Can't remember what my LH was.

12 follicles measuring over 10cc (yay!)

Instructions: Stop taking Lupron. Take 150 of Gonal F Sunday night between 7-9pm. Take HcG trigger shot at 11pm exactly. Egg retrieval is scheduled for Tuesday at 11am. 

Trigger shot is done exactly 36 hours before retrieval, it helps mature the follicles an extra 2cc. So there's a slight possibility we might have over 12 eggs. 

It's happening. It's really happening.

We've made it this far. Here's to hoping we can make it through the next couple of steps. The hard work is over. No more shots! Tonight I don't have to take a damn thing, and let me tell you, it feels good. The trigger shot really burned, and the injection site is super tender. (I might be wearing yoga pants at work today. Don't judge me.) 

Tomorrow, they'll surgically remove my eggs. Hubby will make his "deposit". They'll inject his sperm into my eggs, only the good looking guys though. (This step is called ICSI.) They'll watch our embryos grow for up to 5 days. Depending on their growth, our transfer will either be 3 or 5 days post retrieval. In between retrieval and transfer, I plan to hit up some Bikram, the chiropractor and schedule an appointment with a acupuncturist for after our transfer. (Do the research people, it's shown the help.)

So tomorrow, when you're sitting at your desk, running your errands, or doing whatever it is you do at 11am, please say a quick prayer, send some positive thoughts and energy our way. If you can of course.