Heartbeat....s?

Every couple of days, Hubby and I pull out the heart Doppler and check in on the little one. It's helped to keep my fears and nerves at bay, and given us reassurance that everything is fine. And seeing as this is the longest span we've gone without an ultrasound, let me tell you, it's a blessing to have!

Over the last couple of weeks, we've been able to pick up the heartbeat on the left side of my abdomen. It's loud and clear and the Doppler says it ranges between 120-140. So this whole time we've been assuming the little one is most likely a boy. Simply based upon the heart beat reading. They say low heart beat is boy, and fast is usually a girl.

However, Saturday when we decided to listen, things got a little complicated. Most Dopplers won't give you an accurate reading until about 12 weeks, which is tomorrow. So it's not bazaar that we started picking up on a much faster heart beat. On the left side was still 120-140. But I began scanning all around and ended up on the right side. At which time, a much quicker thumping began to come over the speaker. And the Doppler began sky rocketing from 120 to 130 to 140 to 150 to 160 to 170! And that slower little pace was now a racing little baby's heart.

But as we sat there and listened to this much faster beat, I could still hear the slower beat as well. Now Hubby assumed that the slower had to be my heart beat. Which could in fact be true. But I found it quite odd that I could hear both, at the same time. Now I'm not insinuating that there might be two in there, but it was a little freaky.

Anyone have a similar experience? 

Is this just my heart beat and the baby's?

Is it possible they missed another little sac hiding behind it's sibling?

I guess we'll find out Thursday at our next ultrasound. 

11 Weeks- Merry Christmas!

Christmas Day marked 11 weeks!

Baby Size: Lime, 1.6"

Knickname: Still Olive or Oliver depending on our mood. Starting to lean towards boy. Heart doppler has been bringing up a consistent 125-135 beats per minute. (Interested to see what the ultrasound next week picks up.)

Baby Changes: Head to body ratio is 1:1 and the baby weighs about .25 ounces. Tooth buds, hair follicles and nail beds are forming. Skin is see-through, and fingers and toes aren't webbed anymore! Baby can move fluidly now too, which you're not supposed to be able to feel. However I have had consistent flutters, I swear the kid is doing back flips!

Weight Gain: We'll find out next week at our 12 week appointment. Ugh.

Cravings: None to really speak of.

Aversions: Vegetables have been tough to swallow but still able to force them down.

Showing: Still rocking the maternity jeans. Belly is really starting to stick out now. 

Body Changes: This week I've noticed a huge change in my exhaustion. I've been really tired most days, to the point where I'll nap at 10 am. Starting to feel huge, and very much looking forward to getting my fat ass to the gym.

Worst Moment this Week: None to speak of. Things have gone really well. I did however try to squeeze myself into a pair of non maternity jean leggings. They buttoned, but were super uncomfortable. Sigh.

Best Moment this Week: Telling Chris' grandmother on Christmas that we are expecting. We waited to share the news with her, didn't want to worry the poor lady.

Looking Forward To: Next week's ultrasound! Only 7 more days until we get to see the little one again. And obviously getting to second trimester is so exciting, we're so close!

10 Weeks

Sorry for the crappy bathroom pic. Promise to update soon.

Baby Size: Prune, 1.25"

Knickname: Still Olive or Oliver depending on our mood. (Still no real strong feels whether it's a boy or girl.)

Baby Changes: Embryo has officially become a fetus! The placenta has now taken over and replaced the yolk sac. (I am continuing to take the progesterone until week 11 or 12, at which time I will slowly ween myself off. I may push for a blood draw to be sure my levels are where they should be on their own.)

Weight Gain: We don't own a scale, which I'm really enjoying right now, but probably regret come our 12 week check up.

Cravings: Still not really having any cravings.

Aversions: Nope. Still none.

Showing: The full panel maternity jeans aren't sliding down quite as much as they were, so I'm thinking the belly has expanded. Sure feels like it has.

Body Changes: My boobs seem to have grown over the last week or so. Still getting tingly nipples once in awhile. My skin has gotten really dry and itchy, including my scalp. Also got a nasty rash on Thursday all over my stomach and sides. Thankfully it seems to be going away. Mild nausea the last 2 mornings as well. Lots of flutters and pressure down there.

Worst Moment this Week: This was a rough one. Between the school shooting, and an old friend's death, I haven't been in the best of moods. It's been a very somber week. Along with the fact that I couldn't attend the wake or funeral. Not truly saying goodbye is difficult.

Best Moment this Week: Finally clearly heard the baby's heart beat on the doppler. Was able to find a good spot and listen to that nice strong beat for a good minute or so. Calms all my nerves.

Looking Forward To: Acupuncture. My sinuses have been throbbing and so painful the last few days. Hoping the acupuncture will help to settle things down. It's sure made a difference with the nausea. Only slightly coming back the last 2 mornings. Other than that, haven't had any issues with it.

Hormones anyone?

I remember years ago when I was on the pill, and could not regulate my emotions. I joked with my husband, who could barely handle the roller coaster ride, that one day I'd be pregnant, and this is exactly what it would be like. And no joke, it is. Poor guy.

I must say I've done really well until this week. I find myself losing patience so quickly and snapping at my poor hubby who's usually just trying to help. I get flustered and upset even when a dish is moved. (Yet I moved it and blamed hubby. Oops.)

In the wake of the recent CT tragedy, I've been avoiding the subject at all cost. I read one article and was shaking and fighting back tears at work on Friday. So all weekend I said my prayers and kept them in my thoughts, but avoided discussing the incident with anyone.

While we were watching the Pats last night, the game was interrupted for the President's speech at the CT high school. I did well at first, listening but ultimately trying not to. The horror that took place, for me, was beyond comprehension. It's taken me for 4 years to get pregnant, and the thought of my child going to kindergarten and the possibility of being shot is far too much for me to handle right now. Losing a child is not something any parent should have to suffer through.

I didn't cry. Not one tear. I sat silent. Until the President began reading their names. The students and the adults. I immediately began sobbing, completely overcome with emotion and asked hubby to change the channel. Which was hopeless because the broadcast was on pretty much every station. So I sat and cried. Knowing part of it was hormones and part was sheer anger that this could happen.

So here it is. Another change this week. One I was hoping would not happen. But it's arrived. So if I begin crying, or yelling or flipping out at you for no reason at all, I apologize in advance.

Thank the Lord it's Friday

This week has been rough. Not entirely pregnancy wise, but in general. Knowing I'm 9 weeks, the time I first miscarried, has me on edge. I keep waiting for the rug to be pulled up from under me. I keep waiting for something bad to happen. Yet, at the same time, I feel very relaxed, calm even. Some days I'm completely at peace that I'm pregnant, almost forgetting sometimes. But of course the pressure and quick movements remind me of the state my body is in.

The big changes this week seem to be increased sense of smell, and breast tenderness has found it's way back. Yay. My dreams at night have been so crazy and clear, that I don't feel like I'm getting any rest. I keep falling asleep on the sofa around 9 (which feels like my deepest sleep), and then attempt to go to bed between 11-12. At which time I can't seem to fall back asleep. I know I should just go to bed at 9 so that I don't get up. But some nights hubby doesn't get home until then, or after, leaving us no time to see each other during the week.

Work of course gets ridiculously busy when I become pregnant, why not, right? My responsibilities have tripled. My work load is never ending, and each time I complete something, I'm given 4-5 more things to get done. I continuously feel like I'm taking 3 steps back. And I'm tired. And I'm cranky. And I'm ranting....

I have finally gotten into the Christmas spirit though. Completed almost all the shopping and finally listening to holiday music at work. It's one of the only things helping to get me through the day. That and chocolate....speaking of chocolate.....these are my favorite!


And I've picked up our Christmas cards yesterday, so hopefully I'll actually get those out sometime early next week.

*Please everyone say a prayer for the CT school shooting victims. I can't imagine how those families will deal with such a great loss before the holidays. (Home schooling is starting to sound better and better.)

9 Weeks

Baby Size: Olive, .9"

Knickname: Olive, mostly because Hubby thought it was cute and loved that the baby is now the size of a green olive.

Weight Gain: I have not weighed myself this week. I'm guessing I've probably increased.

Cravings: None this week, food is not that appetizing right now.

Aversions: Haven't really felt any this week.

Showing: Um, let's just say it's getting difficult to hide the bump. It's kind of that awkward stage where I look fat, but it's start to resemble a baby bump.

Body Changes: I feel like my waist has gone up by an inch or two this week. See?

Worst Moment this Week: First time I had to sprint to the bathroom thinking I was going to vomit. False alarm though. And battling a slight cold, but nettipot has helped a ton!

Best Moment this Week: My friend loaned us her heart doppler! We tried it out last night. For a second we had 167 show up, but couldn't find it again. Probably still too early.

Looking Forward To: The holidays! Can't wait to get past week 9. Excited for week 10 when the placenta takes over. Definitely enjoying the growing bump!

Here's a comparison from last week to this week.

9 Weeks = Olive

hi Celia,

you're 9 weeks pregnant! 

Baby's now the size of a green olive! Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like...well...a baby!

So Bean is now being referred to as Olive. Since the size change is pretty dramatic from the first time we've seen our little one, Olive just seems more suiting. There's so many big land marks coming up and currently happening, hubby and I both are pretty excited!

We're hoping this week we'll be able to hear Olive's heartbeat on the doppler a gracious friend has loaned us! (Thank you again!) Although it's still pretty early to be able to hear the little thumping, we're still going to give it a shot. I'm hoping hearing the heart will keep me from pulling the crazy pregnant lady card again, so we can see our baby.

Some big changes this week:
1. Baby has gone from being an embryo to a fetus!
2. The heart has gone from 2 chambers to 4!
3. Baby is almost an inch in size now!

I also just realized that I never really updated you all on my appointment with the nutritionist and the ultrasound. Unfortunately, the US tech was not the friendliest woman I've ever met. She seemed a little frustrated that I was there and started our appointment by coldly asking "So....why are you here?" (There's a thing called kindness lady!) I even explained that I'd miscarried before and she didn't seem to care that I had a drop in symptoms.

All ended well though as I saw and heard the heartbeat again. Along with the big change in baby's size! All looked well, and baby measured at 8 weeks, thankfully. I've continued to have no bouts of nausea lately, and  my energy seems to have picked up a bit. However my nose now picks up every scent and smell around me, my husband nicely pointed out. I've also been having a lot of pressure and growing it seems. Apparently my uterus is now the size of a tennis ball. Which you'd think would find a nice spot by pushing things over a little. Nope, it's basically sticking straight out. Pretty sure I need to start measuring my belly, because I feel like I've grown a few inches this week. Also having tons of flutters throughout the day.

The nutritionist was wonderful! Very sweet as we sat and went over a normal day's worth of meals for me. She even took notes on the shake I have every morning. I was right on for protein content and pretty much everything else. We had similar diets, so it was nice to chat with her. She gave some suggestions and conflicting opinions than RSC. She did however side with my OB on not eating tuna, and having salmon instead.

I'll give an update on me personally tomorrow, along with some photos.

When to pull the "crazy pregnant lady" card

For the first few weeks of my pregnancy, I have had this unbelievable calming sensation hovering over me. It was keeping my nerves at bay, my thoughts positive, and my expectations low. It was helping me get through each day without the overwhelming worry that comes after you've had a miscarriage in the past.

What I've found is that most women who've had a miscarriage, then get pregnant again, they don't allow themselves to enjoy their pregnancy. They are constantly on the edge of their seat, waiting for the floor to drop or for the rug to be pulled out from under their feet. Each day seems like a decade and each twinge initiates a million questions filled with panic.

Knowing this is the furthest we've come (developmentally) in a pregnancy, my only thing to compare it to, is the first. I've been checking in with myself every hour to be sure I'm feeling pressure, or nausea, or breast tenderness, or super smelling capabilities. I almost didn't have Monday's acupuncture appointment, in fear that my symptoms might disappear and leave me questioning if this pregnancy is still viable.

And that's exactly what has happened.

I woke up Tuesday at the normal time, did my normal morning routine, not expecting much. Drove to work, at which time my stomach is usually ravenous and ready to be fed. And throughout the rest of the day...

no nausea....

no exhaustion....

utter fear.

I tried to stay calm and convince myself that all is well, and I'm just over reacting. My only slight nausea didn't come until 9pm after dinner. And Wednesday was about the same. No nausea. No exhaustion. At some points I really felt like I was being overtaken by bouts of adrenaline. The only slight signs I was feeling were some mild pressure, and a few twinges of round ligament stretching. Once and awhile my breasts would feel pretty tender, and I might feel some mild flutters, but they were rare.

This morning though, letting my worry get the best of me, I put in a call to my doctor. Thus pulling the "crazy pregnant lady" card. I really called to see if this change was normal, which they said it is. But because I already have a consult with the nutritionist in their practice, they asked me to pop by before for an ultrasound.

And this is why I love my OB.

All I did was state my concern and give a brief history, and they fit me right. And although I still feel pretty positive, I'm still nervous as hell as to what may happen. The first time I knew, deep down, that it would be bad news. Today though, I don't have that feeling. I have the "You're being crazy" feeling. Of course today hubby has meetings all day and won't be able to attend. So I'm facing this one solo. Fingers crossed and saying prayers.

8 Weeks

Baby Size: Raspberry

Knickname: Bean, mostly because the little gal or guy is still about the size of a bean. Most likely will change with time.

Weight Gain:  4lbs so far, Yikes! Let's just be clear that this is the increase since before IVF, not just the last couple of weeks. Time to start eating healthier and working out more consistently. (I should only gain 20lbs total based on my height and weight.) This week's diet has been much better, just trying to stay focused on health and nutrients for me and bean.

Cravings: Not so much cravings, but bagels & cream cheese, and chocolate still seem to end up in my diet daily. Starting to cut out the bagels, and replace with Kind Bars. Cutting down on the chocolate too. The Chocolate Peanut Butter Kind Bar is a nice replacement.

Aversions: Tofu is still not appetizing at all, nor is Soy Sauce or Liquid Aminos. Anything too salty doesn't taste good.

Showing: Still rocking maternity jeans, low panel mostly. Regular jeans are too tight on the waist, and I really hate the belly bands. They do not stay up. Thankfully I have a ton of long, and or loose shirts to help cover things up for awhile.

Body Changes: My nipples currently seem to be tingly every day. My breasts are still really sore. Nausea is pretty consistent each day. No real time frame though, happens pretty randomly throughout the day. Although mornings and evenings are usually okay. Appetite is still up and metabolism seems to be working well.

Worst Moment this Week: Posting on TheBump.com. I do not recommend joining the forums. Hormones and forums do not mix ladies!

Best Moment this Week: Hubby Gtalking me that he "Missed me and Bean". For some reason it melted my heart a little. Knowing there's a little person growing inside of me. I think I'm finally starting to let myself enjoy it.

Looking Forward To: Our 12 week ultrasound on January 3rd! Only 4 more weeks. Hoping the holidays help to keep the time flying by!

BELLY!

I just wanted to take a minute to thank each and every one of you that have supported, encouraged, lent a shoulder, shed a tear, or shared in the silence. I am thoroughly blown away each and every time I write, all the responses I receive from you all. Your words of love and encouragement have helped to get us thus far. And even though this part of our journey is so new, your support has helped the time to pass quickly.

Why You Shouldn't Post on Forums Pregnant

Last week I joined TheBump.com. Mostly because I wanted to have a resource to check in on baby's progress and read up on what other moms-to-be are feeling. What ended up happening, has kept me from ever returning. Honestly, I am simply appalled at some of the responses I received.

Let me preface by saying I realize that posting on forums aren't always going to give you the answer you're looking for. They are honest responses to people's opinions. Nor can you really know someones character by the question they've asked. I don't expect people to agree with me, but I do expect them to be respectful with their comments and suggestions.

That did not happen.

I posed a question on non-traditional baby showers. For the past 4 years, as we struggled to conceive, (like most pregnant women) you think about all the things that come with baby. All the great things that we as women look forward to. One of them being your baby shower. I am lucky enough to have such a loving family that it's tradition to have a baby shower, where all the women, both family and friends are invited and shower the mom to be with love and gifts. I, in no way EXPECT a shower, or for anyone to buy us gifts. But it's definitely fun to think about if they do decide to throw one for us.

Having attended several myself over the years, there are things that I've come to love and not so much enjoy.  I love the idea of a non-traditional shower. We have so many friends and family, both male and female that have supported us over the years, that I thought it would be nice to have a shower party with all of them. Somewhere low key, and laid back, like the farm/restaurant we go to every Sunday morning for breakfast. Maybe hold it in the evening, serving soup, sandwiches, and salads. Nothing fancy. Very low key. Since it would be in the evening, drinks would be served. (Just because I can't drink doesn't mean no one can.)

So the question I posed, and basically got attacked for, was the idea of a non-traditional, coed shower. I suggested where I would like it to be held, along with the idea of not sitting and opening all the gifts at once. (I always feel like it takes so long, and gets quite boring for those attending.) I posed a few alternatives, like opening as people asked, or as they arrived (assuming people wouldn't all arrive at once). I also stated that this is a super early question to ask seeing as I wasn't even 8 weeks yet. (But I'm excited, ya know?)

I was blown away at some of the responses these women gave. Below are some samples.

One woman told me I was a spoiled brat for making DEMANDS about my shower, that no one has offered to throw me. And that my post was all "ME ME ME!"
-No demands were made. I simply made suggestions of what I'd like. I never said I expected all these things, there were examples of what comes to mind when I think of a shower. I was looking for opinions on the idea of a non traditional shower, not the specific details I gave. Jeez.

Another told me that just because I struggled to conceived, doesn't mean people are going to be throwing glitter all around me.
-Oh really? I had no idea. I assumed the world would stop turning now that a baby is finally growing inside me! 

One lady said I shouldn't even be thinking about a shower since I've had issues in the past. That I should just try to get past the first trimester. And how dare I pose that question as such an early stage of pregnancy.
-Apparently there is this "Guide to Life Events Rule Book". If anyone has one, please send me a copy. I apparently didn't get the memo.

One woman actually understood, and had the same thought for hers. I commented below that finally someone understood what I was trying to say. Another lady wrote under my comment "Well that wasn't predictable or anything."
-Because that's a mature response. And apparently no one can share the same ideas. Silly me.

At one point, after several well made arguments with the gift opening issue, I finally gave in and agreed. One woman gave great points and was very kind in her response. I thanked her and posted that I understood finally. Another few women felt the need to argue that they gave the suggestion a while ago. Which they did not. They judged and criticized and basically called me a spoiled brat again and rudely stated what I should do.

So what did I learn from all of us. Forums and hormones don't mix people! Don't get involved in the forums. Some of these women are just down right rude and judgmental  and apparently have nothing better to do with their time then make you feel like a horrible person for asking a simple question. Nor do they know how to respectfully comment on other's thoughts.

Lesson learned.

*What this did do though, was hook me up with some very wonderful mamas on a private Facebook page, (soon to be website). So I am super grateful for that! Out of everything bad, can come something good.

First OB Appointment & Flu Shot Questions

This morning, one day before we hit 8 weeks, we met with our OB team. We chose the same office we saw 2 years ago during our first pregnancy. (We hadn't been back since my follow up from the D&C). There were really 2 reasons we chose this practice:

1. They are always on call, and do not use other services, ever. Throughout your pregnancy, you meet all 4 doctors, and one of the 4 will be there for the birth.

2. They are associated with Emerson Hospital, an affiliate of Boston Medical Center.

For anyone else getting ready for baby, I highly recommend their practice. They have 3 office locations, and one just happens to be in our town now! Yay! I love that you get to know all of them and that they don't use any other doctors, ever. They do all of their practice's deliveries. I also love that they work out of Emerson Hospital. Probably seems silly to drive to Concord when we have a hospital in our home town. However Emerson guarantees a private room (Leominster does not), they have a new birthing wing with it's own entrance, and a birthing tub. They offer Hypnobirthing, Yoga classes, and welcome natural child birth.

At our appointment, which was just a Congrats on being pregnant, and info session, she mentioned getting the flu shot. (Knock on wood) I've never had the flu. I've never gotten the flu shot. Ever. I'm one of those crazy people that doesn't really believe in vaccines. I have my own reasons. However, she was quite insistent that I get the flu shot this year. Seeing as we have 3 more months of flu season and my immune system is considered "compromised". Basically while you're pregnant, you're compared to a 60 year old chain smoker. Very low immune system apparently.

So I'm asking all of you. I have yet to research, but what are your thoughts on getting the flu shot while pregnant?