Monday, December 5, 2011

What is my gut saying?

So you have all been very patient. More patient than me. First, my apologies for keeping you in the dark. I have my reasons, and I hope you can all understand once I explain. It's a long story, so here goes.....
Thursday, 17 days post peak, still no period. So I peed on a stick, or two, or three...light line. I've had that so many times I tried not to get too excited. Dr. C told me to call his off on day 17 post peak if I didn't have my period whether I saw a line or not. I called at 8am. By the afternoon, I still hadn't heard, so I called back around 3:30. Told the message is on his desk. No phone call that night. That night, after I peed on a stick, I showed my husband the test. His first response: "Holy shit! You aren't crazy!" Mostly because I'd been saying all week that I thought I was pregnant, and he worries that I read too much into things.

Friday, 18 days post peak, still no period. Peed on a few more sticks. Light line. Keep in mind, my first pregnancy I never saw a dark line. My Hcg Levels were slow to climb to the point I didn't really see a line until day 19 or 20. I called Dr. C's office at 8am again, he's off today. Awesome. Thankfully his nurse practitioner was in and I was told she'd phone back. No call, so at 2pm letting anxiety take over, I phoned again. Told once again, the message is on her desk now, and she will phone around 4pm. 5 mins later, the receptionist phoned back and ordered lab work. I got out of work too late, so figured I'd go Saturday morning.

Saturday, 19 days post peak, still no period. (You may want to stop reading if you can't handle details.) So hubby and I had waited to have sex for a while after ovulation, I was afraid to disturb the area knowing it was already irritated. After, I started bleeding. Then came the cramps and some back pain. Afraid of another miscarriage, I phoned Dr. C's answering service. 2 mins later, Dr. C phoned me back. I explained what had happened. His first concern was that maybe my cervix was irritated and to relax, have bloodwork done, and be positive. There was also the fear of miscarriage discussed. I took a couple more tests that day, still a light line. The cramps continued for about an hour along with the back pain. After that they faded out for the most part. The bleeding wasn't heavy, didn't feel like clots. I tried to stay positive, knowing I would have answers on Monday.

Sunday, 20 days post peak, still spotting. Although it was light, it was still there. Still no clots, which made me feel a bit better. It's now become a mix of bright red blood, brown, and clear cervical mucus. Not heavy, but not super light either. In my mind, at this point, I was feeling like it was a miscarriage. My gut had been telling me for the past week that I was pregnant. I had a few days of nausea, super tender breasts, and some constant daily headaches. They started to fade mid last week, except for the headaches. At this point I'm very confused and starting to believe, and brace myself for another miscarriage.

Monday, 21 days post peak, still spotting, but much lighter. I phoned Dr. C's office as directed. I was able to get an early morning appointment and headed in alone. (Hubby had some meetings today.) I get to his office and in about 20 mins brought into a patient room. I then have to explain to the nurse that I'm there because I don't know if I'm miscarrying or not. Dr. C came in shortly after. Explained everything to him. He did a quick external exam, just pressing on my abdomen and lower abdomen. No pain, he seemed pleased. He continued to explain that the bleeding could be caused by the disturbance on Saturday. If I'm pregnant, my uterus will be flooded with blood and very sensitive. The blood, seeing as it's bright red and brown, that it could be a lower leak from my cervix, and some of the blood may have been trapped, but now being released.

So here I am, thinking he's going to tell me I'm miscarrying, and here he is, being super positive and scheduling a follow up appointment, Hcg level bloodwork again, and an ultrasound. I'm sorry, what? So you don't think I'm miscarrying? He was really positive and hopeful that this pregnancy may still be happening. He excused himself at that point to get my blood results from Saturday. As luck would have it, the lab messed up and only took my progesterone level, not my Hcg. At this point, I'm laughing. Seriously, how many other things can go wrong right now?! The lab however, still has my blood and thinks they can pull the Hcg, but we won't get results for at least another day. So then Dr. C's office does an Hcg test today as well, to be able to compare the two levels. I have taken another home test, where the line appears and then fades once it dries. My emotions are truly split down the middle, half of me believes I am still pregnant while the other half is telling me it's a miscarriage.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I should have answers. Tomorrow we should know what is actually happening in my body right now. I'm scared, I've cried numerous times and hid inside all weekend. This is the difficult part of blogging, the part that frightens me the most. I'm tearing up as I type because I don't know what's happening. I don't know if I am pregnant, I don't know if I am miscarrying. All I know is that we need alot of prayers right now. We need positive thoughts and energy. I ask that you all continue to be thinking of us and praying for us. I know that your support has helped us get to where we are today. And no matter what the outcome is tomorrow, we are happy with knowing we were able to conceive on our own, something we did not think was possible.


  1. thinking of you, and sending my thoughts. I followed for a while, but have never commented no matter the out come of tomorrow, you should be so proud of how brave you are on this blog, and what an inspiration you are with how honestly open you are with a struggle so many of us deal with. Fingers crossed :)

  2. You are such a beautiful and strong soul. Wishing you the very best in the coming days and sending thoughts and prayers your way for the best!!!

  3. Love, prayers and positive energy being sent your way!!