Wednesday, December 7, 2011

New Goals

Word to the wise: Do not under any circumstance, tell me that:

A. We are trying too hard.
B. We should just relax.
C. Look into adoption.

I don't want to hear it right now. I know you may think these are comforting words, or you may really believe one of these things, but they are not helping me. I realize my stress level right now is high, trust me, I KNOW. I will say that tequila is my new best friend. I fully intend to relax and try to enjoy the holidays. We've booked a long weekend for New Year's in the Berkshires, alone. (No offense to any of our friends.) But I want to be alone.

December 23rd marks the anniversary of our first miscarriage. Having just experienced our second, I plan to do my very best to make it through the holidays. I make no guarantees though. All I know is that the one two things getting me through this month is my husband and our long weekend. It was my hope to be pregnant this month, I thought it might lighten the blow of facing the 23rd. I know now that that isn't a possibility. Therefore I am making new goals. Things to keep me focused and keep my mind off of everything else. I hate resolutions, goals seem more attainable. And why wait for the new year, why not start now?

New Goals

1. Work out 5 days a week. This year has packed on the pounds that I worked so hard to get off last year. So it's back to the gym, with a strong focus on nutrition. No longer eating to fill the void. Words of encouragement: Eat to live, don't live to eat. (Possibly hanging motivational photos on the fridge, and buying a scale to stay focused.)

2. Take a yoga class once a week. Nothing calms my nerves or helps relieve my stress like yoga. I figure once a week is an obtainable goal.

3. Run a 5k in the Spring. I've always wanted to be a runner. Having been blessed with ghetto ass and a substantial bosom, I never thought it was in my cards. However the week in Vermont re-instilled my desire to run. So look out world, you're going to see a lot of jiggling until things shrink or finally tighten back up.

4. Cook more. When I'm sad or depressed, like most people, I stop doing the things I love. Like cooking. Which has also contributed to the weight gain. So back to being Susie Homemaker it is.

5. Get pregnant by June. I've heard writing down your goals helps them to come true. After all, you don't know what you're striving for until you've faced them/written them down. 

6. Continue looking into adoption. Even if we don't move forward right away, I want to begin the process. (Shhh.....don't tell hubby.) No, I'm just kidding. This is obviously a big discussion that I plan to have with him. In no way does this mean we are not going to continue trying on our own. But we won't be meeting with Dr. C until January to discuss what to do next. And in the rare circumstance that we discover any more bad news, I want to have all of our options on the table.

7. Be more creative. What can I say, I was a textiles major and art has always been a huge part of my life. I recently discovered a local shop offering classes and happened to pick up a steal on Goupon. Also looking to relearn how to knit. Anyone want to help with that?

8. Be happy. Happiness is a choice after all. There will always tragedy, suffering, pain, sadness. But you have the choice to bask in it, learn from it, or look past it. I will not let life get the best of me. I chose to be happy. (I'll just have to keep reminding myself of this.)

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