Now what?

It's officially taken me 5 days to digest everything we discussed with Dr. C on Friday. (As I've stated recently, I always trust my gut. Thankfully Dr. C agrees with that statement.) After we received the blood results from Saturday, the day I started bleeding, we were afraid that I may have imagined the whole pregnancy thing. However, the blood work we had done in his office on Monday was >.5 and Saturday's was .5. That low amount usually indicates no pregnancy. But seeing as we had a positive home test on Thursday, he agreed I had a very early miscarriage, also referred to as a chemical pregnancy.

So, has knowing this changed anything? No. When he asked me what I thought happened before we had the blood results, there was no doubt in my mind that I was pregnant. I had two days of nausea, saw implantation bleeding, and you couldn't even look at my breasts without causing me shooting pain. But after three days, they were all gone. I still believe we got pregnant, then days later, for whatever reason, the embryo stopped growing. Dr. C is in agreement. We are unsure if I released a premature egg, or if one of the warped sperm found their way to the egg.

Now what? As recommended, we are taking the month off. I am spending this time to focus on me. As a wise woman informed me, I've lost a bit of myself the last few months. I am attempting to regain those pieces and remember who I am. Starting with working out. I'm probably going to regret saying this, but I've started training for a half marathon, (shhhhhh don't tell). I tend to go over board with things, it's usually all or nothing with me. So Saturday I started running again. I am hoping at the very least, come Spring, I'll be ready for a 5k, and then we'll take it from there.

As for hubby, the poor guy had his junk ultrasound today. He met with the urologist who insisted on a consult, seeing as it's been 1.5 years since we've seen him. He now has to redo a specimen and has a follow up on January 4th. At that time, the urologist will determine whether or not surgery is necessary to remove bilateral varicosele. By the time he gets in for surgery, most likely it will be February. I am still hoping and praying that in the meantime we will get our miracle. As for now, you may see me disappear for awhile, or become overwhelmed with food, fitness and sanity tips. My apologies in advance.

I will say one thing in closing: for the past 3 years we have been trying to have a child. This is the first real month where we will be avoiding getting pregnant. Knowing, seeing and charting my cycle won't allow for any slip ups (mostly because my Creighton Nurse said firmly yesterday to avoid this month, it's definitely not by choice.) I almost don't know what to do with myself. Oh yes, new obsession: train for 1/2 marathon.