Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Every Day is Different

One of the hardest things I've found this round, is how inconsistent my side effects are. Yesterday morning I was wired. Couldn't stop moving. Couldn't sit still. Racing through the morning. Today however, I feel like I got hit by a truck. I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to hide under the covers until at least noon.

Is this how moms feel?

Never enough sleep?

Exhausted all day?

Wanting to lock your bedroom door and hide in bed all day?

Becoming a mom will be a huge shock to me. This much I know. I love sleep. Each night consists of anywhere from 8 to 10 hours. I'm not kidding. I don't function unless I get at the very least 8 hours. So how am I going to handle a newborn that's up every couple of hours? And what if we have multiples?! Lord, help me!

You'd think after 4 years of trying to conceive, I would have accepted all these things. But I haven't. I still worry how I'll function. I still worry about money. I worry about not being able to stay home with my kids. (Something I know a lot of parents struggle with.) Will I want to be home all day with my kids? Alone....all day?

As awful as I feel saying that out loud, I'm guessing I'm not alone. How do you keep your sanity? Do you find working helps? Do you struggle to leave for work every morning, kissing your kids goodbye?

So much for not getting ahead of myself.

6 comments:

  1. Celia, it's such a catch 22....Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being able to stay home with Owen, I think he learns so much, and gets to bond with me in that way (not that I at all think parents who cannot stay home don't bond with their children)....it's just each way you look at it, it's hard. I am home alone ALL day cause Paul is in school and work full time because we worry about money too, and want to make more of it! Money is a struggle on one income, but somehow, we find a way. There are MANY days I have cried over my sanity, missing adult conversation and the purpose and routine a job brings. However, it's the hardest job in the world to stay a home and battle that. It is lonely a lot of the time before he can actually play with other kids...playgroups are hard because you don't always mesh with the other moms, etc. And functioning....yikes. I have been struggling with fibromyaglia since Owen was born (thinking my botched epidural caused it)...and it is hard to even find balance. But, you will manange and learn there is really nothing you cannot handle. Try to let go and let the process happen, a child will change your life in the most amazing ways, and amplify the things that are not so amazing. But, the trade off is worth it. Enjoy each moment of sleeping in now, each date with your hubby, or outing with friends. It's a change you could never prepare for, but I know you can do it. You just will. And it will be awesome.

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    1. So great to hear your experience and opinions. Thank you! Everyone seems to have a different view or took a different step, and hearing each and everyone has helped me to realize that whatever I decide, will be the best choice for our family. So thank you for helping!

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  2. I have to admit, I thought all the years of baby experience I had at the daycare I worked at made me more than ready. Boy was I wrong. The saying is actually true, you don't know what being a parent is like until you have your own child. I was definitely overwhelmed at first but it I had some amazing friends and family that made things eaiser. The anxiety was gone in just a few weeks. It was a huge life change but there are no words for the amount of love you have for a child. My advice is to allow others to help when they offer, and to ask for it when you need to! This was hard for me. I have never been one to rely on someone else to do day to day things for me, especially when it came to taking care of my baby. But looking back now, I am extremely grateful for the help that was given. It gave me time for myself. As for going back to work, it was tough. I didn't think I would be able to stay home with a baby all day and not go crazy. However, now I really wish I had that option. It's different for everyone and I don't think you will know how you feel until you have to choose. There are pros and cons to each choice and just know that whichever choice you make, it will be the right one for you and your family (and don't ever feel guilty for it!). You will be a wonderful mother Celia. It will come naturally (I know you've probably heard that a billion times, but it's so true).

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    1. I am right there with you Amanda! I have the hardest time asking for help. I hope I am as strong as you are when our time comes. Thank you for the words of wisdom, they are much appreciated!

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  3. I love my sleep too!!!! You know what, somehow you just get through. And when you are up at 3 am, looking at your baby just makes it worth it. And just when you think,"I need a good nights sleep or I may go crazy!" The baby starts sleeping through the night.

    Everything you are thinking as far as work/home balance is totally normal and even that much more proof that you are going to be a great mom. Xo

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    1. Thank you Shana! I love chatting with you! I'm hoping you are right about that 3am thing. :)

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