On Friday, I drove myself to Lexington for the sonohysterogram. Wednesdays appointment had been moved because for some reason, Aunt Flo decided she wasn't ready to leave. The appointment was quick, much faster than I anticipated. They began with an internal ultrasound just to do a quick peak. Then the nurse practitioner came in. They basically insert a catheter into your uterus and blow up a balloon filled with water. (Which I would like to add, is very painful!) Then they release the balloon and the water. The procedure is done to ensure there are not any abnormalities in the uterus. After about 30 seconds they concluded that everything looks good, no abnormalities.
Saturday, I spent the day shopping for a dress for a black tie wedding. I have never been to a black tie affair, so I made the bride come with me to look. After 6 long hours of shopping and not having any luck, my phone rings as I'm about to leave. The NaProTechnology doctor was phoning to discuss the email I had sent. I had about an hour drive, so I asked that he phone back in 10 mins. We spoke for about 30 mins, going through my medical history and all the issues we've had conceiving. Amazingly, he sounds pretty optimistic that he can help. However, this poses a new problem. We are to start our new IVF cycle in about three weeks, but the NaPro doctor won't be able to see us for about 3 weeks.
During our conversation, he had the same feelings I do: that there's probably something wrong with my cycle. We both agreed that there must be something going on with me that the IVF doctors are missing. He's concerned that I could possibly have endometriosis. (Not the first time I've heard that.) This can cause numerous issues when trying to conceive. He also thinks that these issues with my system are the reason we weren't able to conceive naturally and possibly the reason for the miscarriage. All in all, the conversation went really well. He was in no way trying to pressure me to into seeing him, he seems honest and genuine.
Hubby and I spoke last night and we're pretty sure that we'll be seeing the NaPro doctor before we attempt another round of IVF. It seems silly to start another round while feeling like something else is going on. I don't want to put off the chances of getting pregnant, but I don't want to jeopardize using another embryo is there's underlying concerns. Here's to hoping we are making the right decision.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
NaProTECHNOLOGY
Tomorrow is my appointment for sonahystogram. Apparently it is necessary for the insurance to see the results before they will approve a second round of IVF. I still kind of have my period, so I phoned their office to reschedule just in case. Thankfully they are letting me keep the appointment, but reserved a spot for Friday "just in case".
My family, both immediate and extend, has been wonderful. It never seizes to amaze me how much thought, concern and prayers are being said for us every day. I recently got a message from a family member that I found very interesting. They sent me information for a specialist months ago. I'm sad to say, I never looked into it. Assuming we made the best decision to attempt IVF, I disregarded the information. Until now. They so kindly sent me a follow up message the other day stating I should really look into the specialist. So I did.
I've been vegan for almost a year, and have been attempting a more natural approach to life in general. Why I hadn't looked into a more natural approach to fertility, is beyond me. So today, I sat down and researched NaProTechnology. A treatment that is faith based, in doing so, attempts to look at the underlying causes of infertility and a number of other issues. They began this approach more than 20 years ago and have had great success. (The family member who recommended it has not successfully had children of their own. They also informed me that the 6 other couples that they knew of who used it, only one has not had success yet.)
I must say that I am amazed once again. NaProTechnology looks at several concerns. Most being deficiencies in both partners. Instead of me trying to repeat what they so eloquently said, I have copied it below. (Yes, I cheated.)
Infertility is a symptom of underlying disease. The diseases that cause infertility have a “two-pronged” effect. They not only hinder the functioning of fertility, but they also cause both short and long-term health problems. The persistent unwillingness to address infertility problems from this point of view or perspective is one of the major flaws in the current approach to the treatment of infertility.
Fertility problems also carry with them significant emotional sequelae. This is fairly well recognized by those who work in this field and psychosocial distress can contribute significantly to the cause of some forms of infertility.
Until 1978, most of the effort in medicine in evaluating and treating women with infertility was placed in trying to identify and treat the underlying causes. In 1978, in vitro fertilization produced a paradigm shift. It led to a “skipping over” the causes and this continues up to the present time to be the foundational management approach. In essence, this is a symptomatic or Band-Aid approach to treatment, not one that gets to the root causes. When the artificial reproductive technologies began to take hold, now over 25 years ago, diagnostic laparoscopy was in its infancy. Hormone assessment, while available, was not readily accessible. Ultrasound technology was still mired in sector scanning and real-time ultrasonography was not yet available. Selective hysterosalpingography had not yet been developed and the fallopian tubes could not be catheterized. The Creighton Model FertilityCare™ System began its first Allied Health Education Program for FertilityCare™ Practitioners (FCP) in 1978. This means of objectively monitoring the biomarkers of the menstrual and fertility cycle was only in its beginning stages. With the availability of the CrMS, observations of mucus patterns during the course of the menstrual and fertility cycle could be observed for the very first time. In fact, information obtained by women charting their cycles in this fashion is unique and can only be obtained in this fashion.
http://www.naprotechnology.com/index.html
I strongly urge anyone else going through any type of infertility treatments, concerns or are experiencing miscarriages, to take a look at their site and contact a physician near you who practices this approach. Anyone who has had success with this method, please share if you are comfortable discussing it. The more we talk about infertility, the more we can learn.
My family, both immediate and extend, has been wonderful. It never seizes to amaze me how much thought, concern and prayers are being said for us every day. I recently got a message from a family member that I found very interesting. They sent me information for a specialist months ago. I'm sad to say, I never looked into it. Assuming we made the best decision to attempt IVF, I disregarded the information. Until now. They so kindly sent me a follow up message the other day stating I should really look into the specialist. So I did.
I've been vegan for almost a year, and have been attempting a more natural approach to life in general. Why I hadn't looked into a more natural approach to fertility, is beyond me. So today, I sat down and researched NaProTechnology. A treatment that is faith based, in doing so, attempts to look at the underlying causes of infertility and a number of other issues. They began this approach more than 20 years ago and have had great success. (The family member who recommended it has not successfully had children of their own. They also informed me that the 6 other couples that they knew of who used it, only one has not had success yet.)
I must say that I am amazed once again. NaProTechnology looks at several concerns. Most being deficiencies in both partners. Instead of me trying to repeat what they so eloquently said, I have copied it below. (Yes, I cheated.)
Infertility is a symptom of underlying disease. The diseases that cause infertility have a “two-pronged” effect. They not only hinder the functioning of fertility, but they also cause both short and long-term health problems. The persistent unwillingness to address infertility problems from this point of view or perspective is one of the major flaws in the current approach to the treatment of infertility.
Fertility problems also carry with them significant emotional sequelae. This is fairly well recognized by those who work in this field and psychosocial distress can contribute significantly to the cause of some forms of infertility.
Until 1978, most of the effort in medicine in evaluating and treating women with infertility was placed in trying to identify and treat the underlying causes. In 1978, in vitro fertilization produced a paradigm shift. It led to a “skipping over” the causes and this continues up to the present time to be the foundational management approach. In essence, this is a symptomatic or Band-Aid approach to treatment, not one that gets to the root causes. When the artificial reproductive technologies began to take hold, now over 25 years ago, diagnostic laparoscopy was in its infancy. Hormone assessment, while available, was not readily accessible. Ultrasound technology was still mired in sector scanning and real-time ultrasonography was not yet available. Selective hysterosalpingography had not yet been developed and the fallopian tubes could not be catheterized. The Creighton Model FertilityCare™ System began its first Allied Health Education Program for FertilityCare™ Practitioners (FCP) in 1978. This means of objectively monitoring the biomarkers of the menstrual and fertility cycle was only in its beginning stages. With the availability of the CrMS, observations of mucus patterns during the course of the menstrual and fertility cycle could be observed for the very first time. In fact, information obtained by women charting their cycles in this fashion is unique and can only be obtained in this fashion.
http://www.naprotechnology.com/index.html
I strongly urge anyone else going through any type of infertility treatments, concerns or are experiencing miscarriages, to take a look at their site and contact a physician near you who practices this approach. Anyone who has had success with this method, please share if you are comfortable discussing it. The more we talk about infertility, the more we can learn.
Monday, February 14, 2011
A Much Needed Getaway
Last Saturday afternoon, we packed up the car and headed for the Trapp Family Lodge. As we crossed into Vermont on Rt 89, we became blinded by a pretty intense snow storm that left the highway completely covered. We finally arrived an hour later than expected but cozied up by the fire and had a nice huge glass of wine. After all of the losses our family has endured, we needed a nice long break.
It was a relief to not be pregnant actually. Between all the outdoor activities we did, the wine, the shopping, saunas and hot tubs, I would have missed out on most of it. I finally felt like myself again. My mood has improved drastically and I'm enjoying myself again.
On Thursday morning, I woke up to some spotting. I called my doctor's office, knowing that I would soon be getting my second period (the start of round two). To my disappointment, the nurse I spoke with informed me of a change in plans. Apparently the doctor was not too clear in describing the next IVF round. We were under the impression that on my second period, I would have an exam and then begin all the meds. However, now I am being told that the exam would be first, then results would be sent to the insurance for acceptance of the second round. Meaning the meds won't begin until my third period. At this point, I am so thoroughly annoyed, my attitude changes to the poor nurse, and I insist she phones the doctor to be sure.
I receive a call back about an hour later stating my chart was correct, waiting for period number three. This was our last day in Vermont, and after we headed over to Loon Mtn to meet up with some friends. I continued to get pretty drunk the following few days. Time with friends has helped. I am still beyond annoyed with the length of time this is all taking. Never mind the fact that everyone around me is now having their babies. Don't get my wrong, I'm so happy for all my friends and family that are having children. But there's still this little piece of me that feels like it's missing. That little part that is still tugging away at my insides. And the fact that this continues to take longer and longer is the most draining thing I have every experienced.
It was a relief to not be pregnant actually. Between all the outdoor activities we did, the wine, the shopping, saunas and hot tubs, I would have missed out on most of it. I finally felt like myself again. My mood has improved drastically and I'm enjoying myself again.
On Thursday morning, I woke up to some spotting. I called my doctor's office, knowing that I would soon be getting my second period (the start of round two). To my disappointment, the nurse I spoke with informed me of a change in plans. Apparently the doctor was not too clear in describing the next IVF round. We were under the impression that on my second period, I would have an exam and then begin all the meds. However, now I am being told that the exam would be first, then results would be sent to the insurance for acceptance of the second round. Meaning the meds won't begin until my third period. At this point, I am so thoroughly annoyed, my attitude changes to the poor nurse, and I insist she phones the doctor to be sure.
I receive a call back about an hour later stating my chart was correct, waiting for period number three. This was our last day in Vermont, and after we headed over to Loon Mtn to meet up with some friends. I continued to get pretty drunk the following few days. Time with friends has helped. I am still beyond annoyed with the length of time this is all taking. Never mind the fact that everyone around me is now having their babies. Don't get my wrong, I'm so happy for all my friends and family that are having children. But there's still this little piece of me that feels like it's missing. That little part that is still tugging away at my insides. And the fact that this continues to take longer and longer is the most draining thing I have every experienced.
Monday, January 24, 2011
1 or 2
Living in New England has it's benefits, but being blasted with snow twice a week is not one of them. Figures the morning we have to drive to Westboro at 7am, it's snowing profusely. But we bundle up, clean off the car and begin our drive. Thankfully it only took an extra 20 mins to get there. We pull into the un-plowed lot where only one other car is parked. We walk into the office, doors unlocked, lights are on, but no one in sight. We both get a little nervous that no one is there, so I do a perimeter search. Then our doctor pops her head out of her office and says she'll be right with us.
A couple minutes later she emerges and escorts us into her office. "How are you both handling everything?" is the first question out of her mouth. And of course, that question still makes my eyes water. I manage to pull myself together and control the water works. She starts by going over our embryo count and how things progressed in the growing process. To our surprise, she states that having 2 frozen embryos is wonderful. Apparently not alot of couples get to that point and have to go through the grueling process of creating eggs, egg retrieval and transfer every round! And, we have the option to either use the frozen eggs, or start all over again to create fresh ones. The downfall to using frozen eggs drops our chances of conceiving from 50% to 40%. And not all embryos come out of the freezing process properly.
We asked a couple questions which she answered to the best of her ability. Then she asked the question we've been discussing for the past month: how many embryos to implant for round two. The one question Chris and I have been trying to answer. Chris has been adamant about one, mostly for the fear of having twins with two. I have been thinking implant both. My reasoning has been sort of all over the place. The risk of having twins increases along with the stress level when they are born. However, I have been concerned that there could be an issue with our embryos. Thankfully Dr. D explained that all our eggs and sperm have done what they should. All the embryos have seemed to look great. She believes it was a fluke, just an unhealthy embryo. Her medical opinion is to try one again. Chris of course was grinning ear to ear, knowing he won our "discussion".
We have been now attempting to have a child for two years, two unsuccessful years. Although we are young, which Dr. D keeps stressing, I feel like we may be wasting time. We spent a year and 3 months trying on our own. Spent 3 months contemplating bad advise from a urologist. Spent 2 months creating embryos, 2 months pregnant, 2 months healing from the miscarriage. Before we can implant again, I'm going to be hopped up on estrogen pills and gonalF for 20 days. The morning of the transfer is when they unfreeze the embryo. So we could get all the way to that point and neither of the embryos come out of the freezing process correctly, then we're back to square one. So we had a consult to determine that nothing is determined, except we'll be using one embryo.
A couple minutes later she emerges and escorts us into her office. "How are you both handling everything?" is the first question out of her mouth. And of course, that question still makes my eyes water. I manage to pull myself together and control the water works. She starts by going over our embryo count and how things progressed in the growing process. To our surprise, she states that having 2 frozen embryos is wonderful. Apparently not alot of couples get to that point and have to go through the grueling process of creating eggs, egg retrieval and transfer every round! And, we have the option to either use the frozen eggs, or start all over again to create fresh ones. The downfall to using frozen eggs drops our chances of conceiving from 50% to 40%. And not all embryos come out of the freezing process properly.
We asked a couple questions which she answered to the best of her ability. Then she asked the question we've been discussing for the past month: how many embryos to implant for round two. The one question Chris and I have been trying to answer. Chris has been adamant about one, mostly for the fear of having twins with two. I have been thinking implant both. My reasoning has been sort of all over the place. The risk of having twins increases along with the stress level when they are born. However, I have been concerned that there could be an issue with our embryos. Thankfully Dr. D explained that all our eggs and sperm have done what they should. All the embryos have seemed to look great. She believes it was a fluke, just an unhealthy embryo. Her medical opinion is to try one again. Chris of course was grinning ear to ear, knowing he won our "discussion".
We have been now attempting to have a child for two years, two unsuccessful years. Although we are young, which Dr. D keeps stressing, I feel like we may be wasting time. We spent a year and 3 months trying on our own. Spent 3 months contemplating bad advise from a urologist. Spent 2 months creating embryos, 2 months pregnant, 2 months healing from the miscarriage. Before we can implant again, I'm going to be hopped up on estrogen pills and gonalF for 20 days. The morning of the transfer is when they unfreeze the embryo. So we could get all the way to that point and neither of the embryos come out of the freezing process correctly, then we're back to square one. So we had a consult to determine that nothing is determined, except we'll be using one embryo.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Due Date
Searching through my phone today, which I use as my calendar, I came across something I had forgotten to delete. My due date. I was looking for our family's annual Vermont Cookout held in July and there it was, staring back at me as plain as day. Hadn't even realized what it was until I clicked on it. I had deleted all the upcoming appointments that were made, but somehow over looked the due date. Although every day has gotten a little easier, it's moments like this that send me flying back. Instead of dwelling on it and hiding in my room to cry, I am looking forward to the next couple of weeks and all the new things I am trying.
I've finally cut back on the wine and sweets, since being slapped in the face by my scale. I've been focusing my time on better nutrition, and attempting new workouts. Although I love my yoga classes, at $17 a pop, or $125 a month, my wallet has become a deep empty pit. So my fabulous husband, knowing that I've always wanted to take dance classes, sent me a link to groupon.com. (If you haven't found this site yet, I highly recommend you do.) There was a groupon for adult hip hop classes. Thankfully enough people signed up, and I will be starting class next week. Lord help me.
I also found a new place that offers an array of classes. In need of some direction and motivation to spice things up, I found a place for only $20 a month, includes Zumba, Spin, Pilates and Yoga. How can you go wrong? For some reason, I love change. I embrace it. It gets to the point where I feel things have become stagnant, and I need a change. So I'm making it. I don't know if I'll be blessed with children soon and I can't sit around waiting for it to happen. Life is too short to miss out on the things you want. So in the mean time, it's hip hop, Zumba and Spin time. Everything else will come when it's good and ready.
I've finally cut back on the wine and sweets, since being slapped in the face by my scale. I've been focusing my time on better nutrition, and attempting new workouts. Although I love my yoga classes, at $17 a pop, or $125 a month, my wallet has become a deep empty pit. So my fabulous husband, knowing that I've always wanted to take dance classes, sent me a link to groupon.com. (If you haven't found this site yet, I highly recommend you do.) There was a groupon for adult hip hop classes. Thankfully enough people signed up, and I will be starting class next week. Lord help me.
I also found a new place that offers an array of classes. In need of some direction and motivation to spice things up, I found a place for only $20 a month, includes Zumba, Spin, Pilates and Yoga. How can you go wrong? For some reason, I love change. I embrace it. It gets to the point where I feel things have become stagnant, and I need a change. So I'm making it. I don't know if I'll be blessed with children soon and I can't sit around waiting for it to happen. Life is too short to miss out on the things you want. So in the mean time, it's hip hop, Zumba and Spin time. Everything else will come when it's good and ready.
Friday, January 7, 2011
One Day At a Time....
So I'm pretty sure yesterdays appointment was more of a mental check up. (The doctor wanted to be sure I wasn't hanging from my shower curtain.) I must say, I'm thoroughly impressed with their office. The nurse who took my blood pressure and weight (yikes), felt so bad about what happened she looked like she was about to cry and offered up a hug. Mind you, this was the first time I met her. It seems everyone who finds out is completely sympathetic, especially when they find out we went through IVF.
I drove my butt to hot yoga last night again. The yogi I usually go to was teaching, whom I love by the way. She's the same age and just has this calming voice that keeps you relaxed through the whole class. I was surprisingly able to do most of the moves still, considering I was away for two months. There is nothing like sweating out every emotion to revitalize your body and mind. Moving pretty slow, I was the last to leave. The sweetheart that she is, started making small talk: she asked how my holidays were. For the most part, I am able to control myself with that question. However, not after yoga. Every emotion is brought to the surface, just waiting to bubble over. Which it managed to do. She teared up right along with me, confiding in me that she and her husband are trying as well. Three months, and no luck just yet.
It's amazing how much it takes over your life. Every thought, every cramp, anything and everything makes you think of it. No matter if you are trying the fun way, IUI or IVF, the process of trying to conceive takes over your life. As much as guys try to understand, they never fully get it. Even when they want it as bad as you (talking about a baby), they can't understand what you go through emotionally. I feel like my husband is the exception. He has been a rock, absolutely amazing through this whole process, I couldn't have asked for a better man. He's let me sob, scream, eat, drink (hence the yikes at the weight), he's let me do anything and everything I've needed to to deal with the loss. And that's exactly what it is, a loss. Whether its early or late, it's still an emotional mess that you need to deal with. Which I feel like I am. One day at a time.....
I drove my butt to hot yoga last night again. The yogi I usually go to was teaching, whom I love by the way. She's the same age and just has this calming voice that keeps you relaxed through the whole class. I was surprisingly able to do most of the moves still, considering I was away for two months. There is nothing like sweating out every emotion to revitalize your body and mind. Moving pretty slow, I was the last to leave. The sweetheart that she is, started making small talk: she asked how my holidays were. For the most part, I am able to control myself with that question. However, not after yoga. Every emotion is brought to the surface, just waiting to bubble over. Which it managed to do. She teared up right along with me, confiding in me that she and her husband are trying as well. Three months, and no luck just yet.
It's amazing how much it takes over your life. Every thought, every cramp, anything and everything makes you think of it. No matter if you are trying the fun way, IUI or IVF, the process of trying to conceive takes over your life. As much as guys try to understand, they never fully get it. Even when they want it as bad as you (talking about a baby), they can't understand what you go through emotionally. I feel like my husband is the exception. He has been a rock, absolutely amazing through this whole process, I couldn't have asked for a better man. He's let me sob, scream, eat, drink (hence the yikes at the weight), he's let me do anything and everything I've needed to to deal with the loss. And that's exactly what it is, a loss. Whether its early or late, it's still an emotional mess that you need to deal with. Which I feel like I am. One day at a time.....
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
That Much Is Certain
It has almost been two weeks since everything happened, and to be honest, I'm starting to feel better. (It's about time.) Although I'm still getting the awkward hellos and sad eyes from people who know, which make it difficult to try to move on. Imagining what is going through their mind, knowing they know, and that they don't want to make me uncomfortable. No matter what, it's uncomfortable. But know that I am healing and trying to move forward as gracefully as possible.
My follow up appointment is tomorrow with my OB. In two weeks we meet with the IVF doctor again to go over the next course of action. For all of you who have been wondering if we are going to try again, the answer is yes. I am nervous to see what the IVF doctor is going to say though. Surprisingly, I have stayed away from researching too much on the subject. We only have two embryos frozen. From what I have been made aware of, not all of them come out of the freezing process ready to use. My fear is that one or none will "defrost" correctly leaving us at square one again. Or they say we should put both in. Which I think my husband fears more than I do. (The rate of twins goes from 1% to 33%.)
I have been trying to put everything aside and clear my mind and focus on my health for the last two weeks. My mental health has gotten better, however my physical health is moving pretty slow. I just started working out again this week, and have jumped in head on. I managed to do 90 mins on the treadmill Monday, 90 mins of hot yoga yesterday, and I plan to do 90 mins biking today. The swelling in my abdomen has gone down considerably making this all possible again. I love that I am able to go back to hot yoga. It has been a life saver. I may try to continue doing it even if I get pregnant again. Although at that point, I will probably be fearing everything. But what better way to get yourself calm. I haven't found anything else that allows me to get to that state.
Who knows what the future holds at this moment. All I know is that each day gets a little easier. No matter what happens, it's hubby and me. Whether we are blessed with children of our own, or if we are able to adopt, we plan to have a family. That much is certain.
My follow up appointment is tomorrow with my OB. In two weeks we meet with the IVF doctor again to go over the next course of action. For all of you who have been wondering if we are going to try again, the answer is yes. I am nervous to see what the IVF doctor is going to say though. Surprisingly, I have stayed away from researching too much on the subject. We only have two embryos frozen. From what I have been made aware of, not all of them come out of the freezing process ready to use. My fear is that one or none will "defrost" correctly leaving us at square one again. Or they say we should put both in. Which I think my husband fears more than I do. (The rate of twins goes from 1% to 33%.)
I have been trying to put everything aside and clear my mind and focus on my health for the last two weeks. My mental health has gotten better, however my physical health is moving pretty slow. I just started working out again this week, and have jumped in head on. I managed to do 90 mins on the treadmill Monday, 90 mins of hot yoga yesterday, and I plan to do 90 mins biking today. The swelling in my abdomen has gone down considerably making this all possible again. I love that I am able to go back to hot yoga. It has been a life saver. I may try to continue doing it even if I get pregnant again. Although at that point, I will probably be fearing everything. But what better way to get yourself calm. I haven't found anything else that allows me to get to that state.
Who knows what the future holds at this moment. All I know is that each day gets a little easier. No matter what happens, it's hubby and me. Whether we are blessed with children of our own, or if we are able to adopt, we plan to have a family. That much is certain.
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