It has almost been two weeks since everything happened, and to be honest, I'm starting to feel better. (It's about time.) Although I'm still getting the awkward hellos and sad eyes from people who know, which make it difficult to try to move on. Imagining what is going through their mind, knowing they know, and that they don't want to make me uncomfortable. No matter what, it's uncomfortable. But know that I am healing and trying to move forward as gracefully as possible.
My follow up appointment is tomorrow with my OB. In two weeks we meet with the IVF doctor again to go over the next course of action. For all of you who have been wondering if we are going to try again, the answer is yes. I am nervous to see what the IVF doctor is going to say though. Surprisingly, I have stayed away from researching too much on the subject. We only have two embryos frozen. From what I have been made aware of, not all of them come out of the freezing process ready to use. My fear is that one or none will "defrost" correctly leaving us at square one again. Or they say we should put both in. Which I think my husband fears more than I do. (The rate of twins goes from 1% to 33%.)
I have been trying to put everything aside and clear my mind and focus on my health for the last two weeks. My mental health has gotten better, however my physical health is moving pretty slow. I just started working out again this week, and have jumped in head on. I managed to do 90 mins on the treadmill Monday, 90 mins of hot yoga yesterday, and I plan to do 90 mins biking today. The swelling in my abdomen has gone down considerably making this all possible again. I love that I am able to go back to hot yoga. It has been a life saver. I may try to continue doing it even if I get pregnant again. Although at that point, I will probably be fearing everything. But what better way to get yourself calm. I haven't found anything else that allows me to get to that state.
Who knows what the future holds at this moment. All I know is that each day gets a little easier. No matter what happens, it's hubby and me. Whether we are blessed with children of our own, or if we are able to adopt, we plan to have a family. That much is certain.
Right on for trying again Celia!! The only thing you can do is be positive..I can only imagine how hard it is...but keep trying!! You are always stronger than you think you are...You will always have just a little more fight left in you when you think your ready to give up! Your body will catch up with your heart when its ready...thinking of you always~ Shan
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