Some of my Favorite Questions...and My Snarky Responses

These are the things that run through my mind during these conversations: 

(Don't mind my harsh comments, I'm pregnant and hormonal and stupid shit pushes me over the edge these days. You've been warned.)

Them: How are you feeling?
Me: Okay. Really tired.
Them: You don't even know what tired is yet! Just wait!
Oh really? Babies don't sleep straight through the night as soon as they come out? No shit I'm going to be more tired. But you asked me how I was feeling, and I gave you an honest answer. No need to remind me of my impending doom.

Them: How far along are you?
Me: A little over half way.
Them: That must be a big baby!
Yes, thank you for reminding me just how large I am. As if the increased pants size I'm wearing isn't a constant reminder.

Them: Have you felt her kick yet?
Me: Oh yeah. She kicks the crap out of me if my pants are too tight around the waste.
Them: You think you're in pain now. Just wait until that kid is kicking your ribs or really kicking your bladder!
Seriously?! Obviously the kicks will increase as the baby gets bigger and stronger.

Them: How's your back feeling? Any pain?
Me: Yeah, it's been pretty much in constant pain the last few weeks.
Them: Just hope you don't get back labor. That shit is so painful!
Yeah, cause I can totally control that. I'll work on keeping this little lady away from my back.

Them: When are you due?
Me: July.
Them: What day?
Don't you think if I wanted you to know, I would have told you? Let's be honest, this girl growing inside of me is going to come out whenever she damn well pleases. So let's look at it this way: Sometime in July. Like I said the first time. You're not allowed to ask what's taking her so long, until August.

Them: Have you baby proofed your house yet?
Me: (insert laugh here) Ummmm....no.
Them: Time flies, and before you know it, you'll need to baby proof.
Great, when that time comes, we'll be sure to do that. But first we'll enjoy her in her infancy and all the pretty things we worked really hard to afford.

Them: Oh look, you're getting fat!
Me: (speechless) Yeah...she's getting....pretty big now...
Honestly, what are you supposed to say to that? (I know she honestly meant that my belly was getting big, but somehow that's what came out.)

What have been your favorite comments/questions during pregnancy?