A Very Somber Day

After being stressed out for two days straight, I was anxious to hear the results of the blood work. Of course, they neglected to call prior to arriving at the wake for my husband's grandfather. My phone was glued to my hand for a good hour before it finally rang. I scurried outside to only get not so great news. Although my hCG level has risen from 900 to 1400, they were still concerned. Then she tells me I have to go for an ultrasound tomorrow morning. At the exact time of the funeral. Because my numbers weren't where they wanted them, they were concerned of an ectopic pregnancy. After sobbing on the phone with the nurse trying to get any other time possible, she informs me they have no other times available. With no other options, I finally give in.

This morning we wake up to a somber house. After frantically trying to get ready (6 family members sharing 2 bathrooms), the phone rings. I'm sharing the bathroom mirror with my sister-in-law while her boyfriend's in the shower. Then we hear screaming, we both freeze, both assuming the dog fell down the stairs. But there were no frantic footsteps descending. The screaming continued. We finally open the bathroom door to see my mother-in-law in tears screaming "Uncle Walter died last night!" On top of all the heart ache of losing a wonderful Papou, we have now lost an amazing uncle. My heart sank at this point. Knowing most horrible things come in threes, I was petrified that we would be getting bad baby news.

We left our family in tears and drove the 30 mins to Lexington. We were 20 mins early and were thankfully greeted by the ultrasound tech ready to take us in. Now I have had some strange techs before who don't tell you a thing. This woman was fantastic! She explained everything she saw and didn't see. I knew as soon as she shifted to my uterus and there was a little black dot on the screen, that it was good news. Our little embryo has implanted in the right place and is growing strong. My ovaries have almost doubled in size due to cysts producing all the hormones I need. We met with the nurse practitioner after who had only positive things to say.

The benefit of going through IVF and having low numbers, they monitor you every week. In 10 days we will return to have a second ultrasound done. At this time, we hope to see a heart beat. If that is the case, we are then handed off to our OB and treated like a normal pregnancy.

Tuesday

This is the difficult part about blogging. There are things that I just don't want to talk about or share. But this is the reason for doing it. In hopes that this will help someone else along the way.

So the blood work done on Friday showed that my hCG levels have not been elevating properly. We went back Sunday morning for a fourth round of bloodwork. Having been excited that we were 5 weeks, we were staying positive. About 1:30pm the nurse phoned. My hCG went from 637 to 900. Approximately every 48 hours, the level should double. The nurse was not very reassuring. I am to go back Tuesday morning for a fifth round of blood work. If my levels are not showing the correct elevation, it is possible the pregnancy will need to be terminated.

I hung up the phone and immediately sobbed for a good 10 mins. Thankfully my husband was with me during the phone call. We laid in bed for about 20 mins, not speaking. There are no words to describe how I'm feeling. After two years of trying, and months of drugs and procedures, to have gotten this far and be sent right back to where we started is devastating.

I moped around the house for most of the day, trying to process everything. My husband keeping one eye on me to make sure I was all right. I finally went online and started researching normal hCG levels in early pregnancy. Only 85% of successful pregnancies show the elevated levels accurately. Which means 15% of pregnancies don't. It also mentioned that the levels can double anywhere between 48-72 hours. Although this gives me some hope, I'm still afraid that this won't end well. The nausea has subsided, I'm not nearly as tired as I was. I have had some cramping again, but no spotting.

On top of dealing with all of this, my husband's grandfather passed away on Friday. I get to have blood work and potentially devastating news on the same day as his wake. The positive energy is quickly dwindling.

Laughter Cures Everything

What is it about November that has me jinxed? To catch you up to speed, last two weeks have been extremely difficult. Between family members in hospice care, another one diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, one having surgery and another one having heart failure, it has been two stressful weeks. Although I've been feeling pretty calm, apparently I have been putting too much stress on my body.

I drove, for what I expected to be, my last round of blood work. Didn't stall or go the wrong way down a one way today, so it started off pretty good. No pouring rain, no horrible drivers. They drew my blood, then I ran home for a quick breakfast, packed and booked it out the door. Filling in at the gym, my phone rings finally around 1:15. The nurse explains that my hCG levels are at 637, which they hoped would be around 800 by now. She explains that it's nothing to panic about, I could simply be one of those people who's levels just don't increase at the same rate. Why would my body do anything right? Story of my life.

So, I still feel good about this pregnancy. I'm staying positive in light of the news. I'm not giving up on this little guy/gal. It's time for some extreme relaxation and pampering. Starting with a much needed girls night to laugh my sorrows away. Followed by a 4th round of blood work Sunday morning. Until then, time for a little R&R....

4 Weeks

Yesterday morning I headed back to the doctor's to have a second round of blood work. It was pouring rain yet again therefore every horrible driver decided to come out. Took an extra 10 mins to get there and I ended up going the wrong way down a one way. Oh well.

For the first time in my life, I was finally able to watch the nurse draw the blood from my arm. I guess that's what happens, a little desensitization after months of giving yourself injections.

I thankfully received the phone call from the nurse around 3pm. My hCG level has continued to rise which means the little poppy seed inside me is still growing. I also learned that they ask for three days of blood work just the ensure things are going smoothly. They also schedule a 7 week ultrasound to check on the fetus, heart beat and how many babies are really in there. Seeing as they only implanted one embryo, I'm praying that's how many have grown.

As for side affects, the nausea has continued and intensified. At about 10am, my stomach is continuously flipping. My skin has been really itchy for a few days now, not sure if it's related. My appetite has gotten bigger and I swear my uterus has already grown. Hubby thinks I'm just super excited, so it's all in my head. However I did get him to agree last night that my lower region seems a little more obtrusive.

As for right now, I'm 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant and couldn't be happier! Tomorrow morning is more blood work, then off for a much deserved girls night.

Survey Says......

Being the impatient person that I am, I could not simply wait until today for the bloodtest. I've taken four home pregnancy tests, all with the same results. So needless to say I was not surprised by the outcome:

WE ARE PREGNANT!

Although it is super early, I wanted to share this wonderful news with all of you. If it had not been for all your love, support, prayers and positive energy, I don't know where we'd be. I now ask that because this is so early, that you continue to pray that we are able to carry to term a healthy little bundle. Although I would love to talk and share every detail, I am still hesitant seeing as I'm only about 4 weeks along. I will continue to write and keep you all updated, but I ask not to be the victim of twenty questions. I hope you can understand.

So now that you're informed I can share that for the past two weeks I have been cramped, nauseous and exhausted. (I'm not crazy after all.) I am emotional and seem to be crying at anything and everything. Every smell hits me differently. None seem to be good. Besides all the side affects, we couldn't be happier. It has been a long two years and we are thrilled that this has finally worked for us. We are remaining hopeful that this little decimal point is our first child.

Again, thank you for all the love and support! We are truly blessed, all around!

Stinky

So there isn't much to report today. I've been taken over by a cold the last couple of days, so the exhaustion has really set in. I'm continuing to have cramping which has thankfully toned down a little. I am still getting tired at 3pm every day but the nauseous has subsided. It has been replaced with dizziness and irritation. I notice myself losing patience much quicker than usual, and trying to do anything at more than a snails pace, makes my head spin. The past couple of days, even with a cold, I can smell everything and everything smells bad. Woke up to the dog about 2 feet from my face and all I could smell was whiffs of poop, which was no where in sight thankfully.

I am continuing to pray that these are all legitimate signs and I'm not fabricating them in my mind. As much as I know they are real, I am still truly worried that this hasn't worked. We have waited two years to see a positive pee stick that turns into a pregnancy and hope that this is it. As optimistic as I've tried to remain, there is always that feeling of doubt that creeps in. (We have laid out this little fleece pj set covered in a rubber ducky pattern hoping that it will help.)

I've done all the research on cribs and mattresses, fabric diapers and I really feel ready now. God always has a plan and no matter how badly you want something, there's always a right time. Although it has been painful to wait two years, I really feel it's been for the best. We are more ready now than we ever have been. Those two years have let us truly prepare for what we are wishing. (Although you can never be really prepared to have children, you can feel prepared.) We've had five great years alone enjoying our marriage and life. It's time to invite a little one into our world. I hope this one is it. :)

PUPO

I have been researching alot these last couple of days. Trying to find out what positive and negative signs to look for over the next week. Apparently it is a good thing that at 3pm every day I want to crawl into bed or run to hug the porcelain bowl. I began having cramps on Saturday but was afraid to acknowledge them. They feel very similar to menstrual cramps, but they are less intense and dissipate quickly. From what I have read, this is my uterus beginning to expand to make room for a baby.

It has been discouraging listening to other couple's stories. Many people we've spoken to, had to have two embryo transfers before they saw positive results. I have finally heard from a dear friend that her son and daughter in law were successful on their first try. Ever since the transfer, hubby and I have had a good feeling. We both waited to relay this to one another in fear of jinxing ourselves. However, I am still feeling positive and am hopeful that all these signs mean we will be successful first try.

I have been contemplating whether or not to divulge if the transfer has been successful on this blog. Many people are more reserved when it comes to this topic, I however feel it's important to share and be honest with friends and family. Knowing how many couples go through this as well, I am feeling more confident in my decision to share our journey. So you will be kept informed of the ups and downs of this process. We both strongly believe that sharing this with our friends and family has been the best decision. It has ensured us many prayers, thoughts and positive energy which has made all of the difference. For that, we thank you! We do ask that you continue to pray for us in hopes that we will be lucky enough to bare a child.

PS- I have also come to embrace a term I found yesterday: PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise). Now whether they mean treat your body like it's pregnant, or in fact that you are pregnant, doesn't matter to me. I'm going to start referring to myself as a PUPO. :)