Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Hallelujah Signs

One of the big downfalls to being on so many hormones, they make your body think you're pregnant. Obviously that's their job, so that your body accepts the little embryo. However it also causes most woman to form a little pouch. Yup, a pouch. (Which if you ask me is not attractive in anyway, unless of course there is truly a little baby in there. That is beautiful.) But this bloated, puffy uncomfortable swelling below my stomach is not making me feel pretty. The waists on my jeans are tighter than usual making it a daily routine of undoing the top button. I found myself at the movies Sunday watching Hanna (which was fabulous by the way). About 10 mins into the movie, the button was screaming to be retired. I gave in, while my husband next to me gave me a smirk. This is obviously not the first time I've done this.

My first pregnancy I found myself shopping for maternity jeans about 8 weeks in. Crazy, I know. However when you can't feel comfortable in anything you own, elastic waist band pants seem very enticing. I found a great pair of jeans at Gap Maternity, which has a large selection of pants, not so many tops. I had also picked up a pair of maternity leggings. To be honest, I am still wearing them. Leggings always seems to have that horrible tight elastic at the top. Which if you seem to have a little more weight in your midsection like I do, can either form a muffin top or the dreadful high waist look. The maternity leggings have this nice long top that is easy to roll down and has absolutely no cinching affect. Ahhh, perfection. This is probably all you'll find me in over the next week or two, or longer if the transfer worked.

Yesterday was a really rough day. There are days when the world seems to be caving in around me. Days that I can barely make it through my normal routine. The frustration and anger grabs a hold of me, and takes over every ounce of my being. Days like that I bury myself in a book. I escape to some unfamiliar place where my thoughts and opinions don't matter. I try to remind myself that I have no control over the situation. Whatever is meant to be will be, and we will get through it. I've been doing a lot of praying. Not so much just to God, but I find myself praying to the family members and friends I have lost. I'm pretty selfish and always ask for signs that everything will be okay. (The rainbow around that sun the other day for instance.) The last pregnancy I felt a strong connection to Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah". After the miscarriage, I couldn't bear listening to it. But lately I've been needing to hear it. Low and behold, after the emotionally draining day, I heard it twice yesterday.

I know what some of you are thinking, "that's crazy", blah blah blah. But I strongly believe in fate and faith. There's always little signs around us, there are always comforts around me getting through each day. Reminding me to stay positive and be strong and someone is always watching over me. It's definitely not the easiest thing to do when your in this situation, but it's the only thing you can do. Stay positive and remember that whatever life gives you, there's always a way to deal with it.


  1. I believe in those signs too. Someone is always watching over you. Glad you are having a better day today! Less than a week! Woohoo!!

  2. I'll second that. You are an incredibly strong person. Keep the faith!

  3. The signs are what give us hope and confirm our faith. Keep looking for those signs, Celia. xo

  4. I wish I had your faith. Stay positive Celia!