You want me to put that where?

I was feeling curious the other day and decided to Google "trying to conceive", something I actually hadn't done before. I was slightly appalled at what I found. (Appalled probably isn't the right word, however it will probably describe most of your reactions best.) I had to share this, it's one of those things that's so gross you must share. 


Egg Whites.

Real egg whites

Now we all know I've shared how cervical mucus looks like egg whites when it's optimal time to conceive. However I never thought people actually used them as a way to conceive. No joke, this woman is convinced that cracking an egg, removing the yolk and inserting the egg whites into your hooha, will help you conceive.


Why, might you ask?

Someone's egg white mucus
Not mine. I swear.

Let's think about this....your optimal conceiving mucus looks like egg whites. But is the structure the same? Your mucus, referring to the egg white kind, is small channels that protect and allow sperm to travel safely in the cervix. (The vagina is a hostile place, filled with high levels of acidity.) So do real egg whites help coat the same way if your mucus is low?


Has anyone else ever heard of this?


*If you plan to attempt (which I will not), be sure to sterilize the outside shell, apparently that's where any bad bacteria resides. 


Happy egg white douching!




  

Yes, I'm Selfish. Feel free to be jealous.

Nothings happening. No seriously, nothings happening. 


I'm pretty boring right now to be honest. I did however have a refreshing conversation last night with another gal struggling kicking infertility's ass. You can all pretend to understand what comes with not being able to get pregnant. You can sympathize, tell me you're there for me, and all that other shit. But let's be honest, you have no clue as to what happens in this big ole noggin of mine. You can't grasp the depth of conflicting emotions and frustrations that come with trying really "hard" to get pregnant (get the joke?). That is why I love talking to other ladies in the same boat. 


So last night, after failing to listen to a voicemail for a week because I suck, I finally returned a phone call. As we started discussing the treatment plans we have both been given, it came to my attention that doctors really have no idea what they are doing. For example, her doctor has been telling her that stress plays absolutely no factor in trying to conceive. However, Dr. C and Nurse Creighton have informed me that our ovulatory systems shut down when we experience a high volume of stress. And no I don't mean stress of paying bills and other super annoying things in life. Unexpected stress that throws you completely off your game. Our pituitary gland that controls the release of our eggs every month tells the ovary "Now's not a good time ladies". Therefore shutting down the system and pretty much putting it in hibernation. Your body will eventually perk back up and your pittuitary gland will give the launch code and that poignant abdominal pain will kick in releasing an egg. So why the hell don't more doctors know about this?


We continued chatting and sharing stories of the conflicting advise we've received. No hold onto your britches people, but I finally was able to say out loud:


I have finally come to terms that I may never have a child. And I really think I'm okay with that.


And it's true. Although I have seen vast improvements in my cycle this month, there's always a chance that for whatever reason, my body can't handle a pregnancy. It only took me 2 years and 8 months to get to this point. And to be honest, I really think I'm capable to handling that outcome. 


There's always been this huge longing in me to be a mom. But then there's this really selfish part of me that loves my life right now. I love coming home after work, changing into my gym clothes and running out the door. Or leaving work to cruise some shops for things I couldn't possibly need. I love sleep, I need sleep, at least 8-9 hours. That ain't happenin' with a baby in the house. Do I really want to run around chasing a toddler all day? Do I have the patience to nurture a child? I can barely handle a dog. I see other moms, and between you and I, I have no clue how they do it. Between the baby talk, naps, feedings, tantrums, and Lord knows what else, I can't see how I'd be cut out for that. Yet I love kids, and would love to have my own. 


For that past year, I've kept that to myself. It was nice to finally talk to someone trying so hard to get pregnant who keeps asking them self the same question. I'm fighting so hard for something, but what am I fighting for? So I've surrendered. I'm giving up. I'm still trying, but I'm giving up. I will partake in timed intercourse and continue to track my cycle. But in no way am I forcing my body to make a child. Let's face it, I can't control whether or not I can have a kid. So I'm done trying. I am doing the one thing my doctor suggested:


RELAX.


So that's my plan. I am going to be oober selfish, I'm going to eat well, drink wine, work out hardcore, hike, backpack, vacation, bike, and do whatever the hell I want while I can. And if we're blessed with a child, I will follow the best advice I've been given:


"You don't change your entire life because you have a kid. You incorporate your child into your life." -Thanks Momma Fournier


~And for those of you who keep saying not to have an only child, I'm pretty sure I can't control that, so please stop the comments. They are no longer welcome. 

Informed

How has a week already gone by? I swear I just left my appointment with Dr C, however that was now a week ago. Time seems to be flying by lately. I look up, and it's August. How? Anyways, I think I'm still slightly in shock as to how well the appointment actually went last Tuesday. For months my cycle has been abnormal, last month with a cyst and two months before that dealing with a chemical pregnancy. All in all my charting has been all over the place. Super long mucus cycles, clotting, barely there periods.....too many things to list.


In my amazement, this cycle, oddly enough that started the day of my surgery, has been the most normal in months! Dr C was pretty amazed too. Usually they advise you to wait a month before "trying" again. However he said "Don't pass up this month, go home and try if you're comfortable." He proceeded to go over the blood work he had me doing timed with my previous cycle. He found 8 causes of concern from one blood draw! 8! Nothing serious that couldn't be fixed. However there was one thing that was causing everything else. 


For some reason my immune system is very low. (No shocker there seeing as I get sick very easily.) Because my immune system is low, my t-cell count was not up to par. The t-cells work as "Pacmen" (you know, the video game) and they target the endomeitriosis tissue and kill it when it shows up where it shouldn't be. When t-cells can't do their job, your antibodies step up and kill anything resembling the tissue. Meaning they can attack your uterine lining, ovaries and some times your pituitary gland, which mine was. Your pittuitary gland controls your ovulation letting your ovary know it's time to release it's egg. It also controls your thyroid. Because it was attacking my thyroid as well, it caused my levels to elevate resulting in hypothyroidism. I started on Levothyroxine a couple days after surgery. 


Dr C also gave me a Rx for Low Dose Naltrexone, an endorphin blocker usually used for alcoholics and heroine addicts. He said to be prepared for a funny look from the pharmacist. So because my t-cells are low and my immune system is not functioning properly, apparently that indicates low endorphins. Why, might you ask, would he put me on and endorphin blocker then? The blocker is taken at night, right before bed. Your endorphins build up as you sleep and spike right before you wake. As the day progresses, they continuously drop. Mine aren't building up properly. The Naltrexone allows me to not build any until mid night sleep that way they will last longer during the day. You start with a very low dose and build up over a month. This will hopefully allow them to build back up to a healthy level. I should only need to take it for about 6 months. At that time my immune system should no longer be under attack, nor should my thyroid. So there is an end in site. The other 6 causes of concern in the blood work stemmed from these issues and are already being corrected. 


As for now, my job is to:
1. stay stress free
2. work out 4 times a week
3. sleep with socks on
4. eat more fish and cheese
5. have planned intercourse, I prefer to use the term lots of love making ;)
6. keep the same diet, except for the add ins of course
7. sleep in pitch black room
8. continue taking magnesium, prenatal, D3
9. only take B6 during peak mucus or ovulation time


For those of you who pee on stick everyday, sometimes twice a day like me, I highly recommend purchasing the single test strips. They are far less expensive and produce much less waste. Click the link below to see Amazon.com's recommendations. Your wallet and husband will thank you!
http://www.amazon.com/Wondfo-Pregnancy-Test-Strips-50-count/dp/B004AOMAOG/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1312382495&sr=8-2