Taking a break......I think it's time.

Everyone has a point during their struggle when they throw their hands and the air and say "fuck this". That is where I'm at. Not sure how or why that has now happened, but mentally I am so over this. Hubby and I got home from work Wed night and crashed in bed for a few moments of rest. As we were laying there, I had an epiphany....I'm truly done. I need a break from all of this. I am stressed all the time, between work, trying to be healthy, and doing everything I can to help my body take a pregnancy. I'm not focusing on myself anymore.

Now most people would argue that I should be focusing on everything I can do to get pregnant, if I really want to conceive. But I can't. I can't get this weight off, I'm so focused on relaxing that I've removed myself from physical activity. I don't "feel" healthy anymore. I may be doing really well getting back to being vegan, but I'm still not eating "pristinely", which is when I feel my best. My life is revolving around getting pregnant, and I am physically exhausted from it.

With that said, we are officially on a break (from procreating). I didn't take the Letrozle this month, and I don't plan on taking anything else. I'm giving my body time to heal, relax and get back to being healthy. (I am going to continue taking the Pycnogenol though. I definitely feel a huge difference in my cycle, most of the pain seems to be dissipating.) There's so many things that I have brushed aside that I'm sick of waiting to do. Like hot yoga. Like CrossFit. No more charting either (and staring at the messed up cycle that is me). I'm going to get myself in better shape and enjoy our vacation in May. (Punta Cana countdown: 43 days) I'm going to stop worrying about getting pregnant, and trust that it will happen when it's supposed to. I can't force it, nor control the situation. The more I try to, the more stressed I get, the worse I feel. Healthy Celia = Happy Celia.

As of my previous post and my list of things to do, this is where I currently stand:

1. Read another vegan recipe book to get inspired.
2. Remove all tempting foods out of my house.
3. Get my ass up at 5:30am and go to the gym. (At least 4 days per week.)
4. Suck it up and pay for a hot yoga class once a week.
5. Get my bike in tip top shape and start riding on the weekends again.
6. Start packing a protein and complex carb for lunch to accompany my salads.
7. No more chips. (It's a very sad day.)
8. Cook large quantities of grains on Sunday for the week.
9. Stop trying to conceive. (Yes I said it. I need a break.)
10. Start tanning. (Don't judge. Vitamin D makes me happy.)
11. Write down everything I eat for two weeks. (Gives perspective)
12. Turn off the TV and listen to music instead.
13. Read a book every 2 weeks.


I think that's a pretty good start for the week. Here's to wine, relaxation and being all around healthy.....