Last night was one of those nights I probably scared the bejesus out of my poor husband. This is the third time this year I've been drawn to Facebook at a strange time to, low and behold, find devastating news of someone passing. The first being my grandmother (whom my cousin's posted loving prayers for prior to receiving the call), the second a childhood classmate and the third yet again, another childhood classmate.
Strangely enough my husband and his friend have had several conversations on dying and the fear of being forgotten lately. In these days of social media and cell phones, I find it hard to believe that anyone can be forgotten. Obviously my grandmother is someone who's always on my mind and I think of every day. Friends that I've grown up with and lost touch with though, you'd think wouldn't have the same affect. In most ways it's different, but in many, the same. Loss is something we can not control and never expect. Even when you're standing next to the person when they take their last breath, you can never fully prepare for that person to no longer be in your life. Whether you see them everyday, or they're a treasured memory from your past.
Growing up in a fairly small southern New Hampshire town, everyone knew everyone. Although we were all thrown together after 5 years in separate elementary schools, our class was close. They may have been cliquey, not everyone got along, (and I couldn't wait to get out of there), but you knew them all the same. It's frightening to think that those memories are now just simply that: memories. The two girls who have passed were both close friends of mine at some point in my life. But how is it that 10 years later their passing can still hit me and knock me off my feet. I feel like a hypocrite posting prayers and thoughts for their family and close friends when I haven't had contact with them in years. Knowing that their lives have abruptly changed and their families will forever mourn their passing. Their loss is so much greater than mine, how can it even compare. But there's something earth shattering about losing a class mate as well. Something that touches a part of you that you can't explain. As I get older, they are becoming less of a rare-occerance and now something I'm beginning to expect.
Although my husband's fears have been affecting my mind, moments like yesterday affect me the most. They remind me that life is too short to stress about things you can not control. One moment you are here, and the next you're simply a memory. I'm hoping I can start living my life one day at a time and stop planning ahead. I hope the passing of these amazing women will not hold anyone else's life back but make them cherish their memories and moments even more. I know they have for me. I may not have spoken to them in years, but they are still remembered and will never be forgotten.
And as hypocritical as I may feel for saying it, I truly mean what I say: you are all in my thoughts and prayers as you mourn the loss of your family member or close friend. Marlena was always a bright smiling face and I can honestly say I do not remember one negative thing about her. She was someone that no matter where life had taken us through school, she would always say hello. I remember her fondly as well as her family. I can't imagine the grief that they are feeling. My heart is heavy for you all. May she rest in peace.