Hardcore Workout #1

During my much appreciated break, I've been kicking my ass, or should I say, have been getting my ass kicked in boot-camp class. I forgot how rewarding a hardcore workout can be. I decided to inflict some additional pain by doing interval sprints on the treadmill after. What was I thinking?!

The class I've been dying at taking, is sort of like CrossFit. The trainer mixes up a new routine each time and is usually timed workouts. Tuesday's was 45 seconds of work, 15 seconds of rest. We went through each of the 8 exercises, then took a 3 min break. Here's the 8 exercises:

Stability Ball Twists with weight (5lbs)

Squat Thrusts with Kettlebells (10-20lbs)

Same idea, except with kettlebells

Squat Battling Ropes

Same idea, except in a squat position.

Stability Ball Crunches with weight (5lbs)

Bootstraps with Kettlebells (10-20lbs)

Walking Weighted Lunges

I used free 10lb free weights on either side.

Battling Ropes Jumping Jacks

Stability Ball Hamstring Curls

Happy hobbling!!!!

Easter Recap

For those of us struggling to conceive, the thought of surviving another holiday can spark a major panic attack. And if Easter came about a month ago, I would have been right there with you. Thankfully it was on Sunday, and I'm in a better place than March. Or was it because of the yummy sushi tray we split with friends Friday night.......

Can't enjoy sushi if you're preggers. Ha ha to my pregnant friends. 

(We have to have some benefits, right?)

Saturday went by way too fast, and I woke up Sunday morning exhausted. But family brunch awaited, so we packed up and headed to NH. I come from a family (you'd think we were Italian), that love to feed people. We expect you to eat, and we put out waaaaaay too much food. (We all do it, it's a family thing.) My mother is an amazing cook, it's one of the reasons I deeply regret going vegan (or find myself cheating, only dairy I swear)! But being the only vegetarian/vegan couple, we struggle at family gatherings. I am one lucky gal though, my supportive family always have something specific they know we can eat. 

So what did we enjoy? I had brought a Vegan Broccoli Quiche, and Mom had a huge selection of fresh fruit. So I piled up my plate and devoured every last bite with a big glass of cran/raspberry/pineapple/orange juice. Yum!

And all the kiddos were there....

Complete with party dress and headband.

The older boys enjoyed their egg hunt, 

which was apparently more difficult this year 

seeing as they can all count.

Even Teddy was included.

How can you deny that face?!

And what's a family holiday party without a little nudity?

Who me?

I know what you're thinking, how can you take a break after looking at those little munchkins? Trust me, it's a struggle. I'm actually starting to believe that the Letrozole was making me angry. It blocks estrogen production, so I guess that makes sense. I also felt as though it was making me depressed. This week having not taken it, I feel like myself again. I'm slowly getting back my drive to work out. Last week I even over did it by taking a bootcamp class that left me limping for 5 days. Yet I am going back tonight. (Narcissist?) Slowly, each day, I'm starting to feel better. Hopefully this weekend away with my lady friends will contribute to the mending as well. 2.5 more days......

OffBeat Mama-Great Post on What NOT to say

I somehow, don't ask me how, came across this blog Offbeat Mama. There was a great post on what not to say to infertile people. I know I've touched upon this as well, but it's near and dear to my heart and I love the way she states everything so matter-of-fact-ly. (Sounds familiar...)

What NOT to say to someone struggling with infertility

Happy Reading!

Things are changing

As things begin to change here, and I move more towards a healthy (healthier) lifestyle, and taking a break from TTC (trying to conceive), you are going to see some big changes. I know the design has had a drastic change, but be prepared for another one.

The new site, once completed, will focus on TTC, being vegan, healthy living, fitness, and  anything else that comes along the way. You can also find me at EatScreamCry.com now, not just through blogspot. (Thanks to the best hubby a girl could ask for.)

Reason for the change, besides taking a break: I get a lot of questions on being vegan, health and or what I eat. And seeing as most questions come from here, why not showcase it here. So stay tuned as my world changes.

Hope you enjoy the new digs!

Taking a break......I think it's time.

Everyone has a point during their struggle when they throw their hands and the air and say "fuck this". That is where I'm at. Not sure how or why that has now happened, but mentally I am so over this. Hubby and I got home from work Wed night and crashed in bed for a few moments of rest. As we were laying there, I had an epiphany....I'm truly done. I need a break from all of this. I am stressed all the time, between work, trying to be healthy, and doing everything I can to help my body take a pregnancy. I'm not focusing on myself anymore.

Now most people would argue that I should be focusing on everything I can do to get pregnant, if I really want to conceive. But I can't. I can't get this weight off, I'm so focused on relaxing that I've removed myself from physical activity. I don't "feel" healthy anymore. I may be doing really well getting back to being vegan, but I'm still not eating "pristinely", which is when I feel my best. My life is revolving around getting pregnant, and I am physically exhausted from it.

With that said, we are officially on a break (from procreating). I didn't take the Letrozle this month, and I don't plan on taking anything else. I'm giving my body time to heal, relax and get back to being healthy. (I am going to continue taking the Pycnogenol though. I definitely feel a huge difference in my cycle, most of the pain seems to be dissipating.) There's so many things that I have brushed aside that I'm sick of waiting to do. Like hot yoga. Like CrossFit. No more charting either (and staring at the messed up cycle that is me). I'm going to get myself in better shape and enjoy our vacation in May. (Punta Cana countdown: 43 days) I'm going to stop worrying about getting pregnant, and trust that it will happen when it's supposed to. I can't force it, nor control the situation. The more I try to, the more stressed I get, the worse I feel. Healthy Celia = Happy Celia.

As of my previous post and my list of things to do, this is where I currently stand:

1. Read another vegan recipe book to get inspired.
2. Remove all tempting foods out of my house.
3. Get my ass up at 5:30am and go to the gym. (At least 4 days per week.)
4. Suck it up and pay for a hot yoga class once a week.
5. Get my bike in tip top shape and start riding on the weekends again.
6. Start packing a protein and complex carb for lunch to accompany my salads.
7. No more chips. (It's a very sad day.)
8. Cook large quantities of grains on Sunday for the week.
9. Stop trying to conceive. (Yes I said it. I need a break.)
10. Start tanning. (Don't judge. Vitamin D makes me happy.)
11. Write down everything I eat for two weeks. (Gives perspective)
12. Turn off the TV and listen to music instead.
13. Read a book every 2 weeks.


I think that's a pretty good start for the week. Here's to wine, relaxation and being all around healthy.....

Backing Off.......

It's been 8 days since I've written, and about all I can say is.......blah. I feel awful lately. Which my husband so kindly pointed out. Besides trying to begin eating vegan again, and many failed attempts, I think I'm at my depressed point again. It's continuously up and down. I finally start feeling good about me and where life has gone, and then I find out someone's pregnant. Or I see parents not caring for their kids. Or I remember that I want to be a mom. Whatever it is, it's taxing. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm exhausted. I'm lazy. I'm eating shit. (Not real shit, just crap. You know what I mean.) And I'm not working out as I promised myself I would.

So what's a girl to do? Honestly, I don't know anymore. Family and friends keep pressuring us to look into adoption. Or they ask us for answers that we don't have. Like "What's your plan?". As if we've been doing nothing and need to now decide. Well guess what, I have no fucking idea! So stop asking.

We're living. That's our plan. To make it through another day. To survive the news of one more friend conceiving.  To get through one day without being reminded of the hell we live in. I'm 28 years old, not 45. Yes my biological clock is ticking, but at least the gears haven't stopped.

What would I like to do? I'd like to be left alone. I'd like to not have the subject come up. I'd like for one night to forget that I can't conceive and not have anyone know, or ask, or give me the "I feel sorry for you" look. It's getting old people. I'm infertile, not blind.

And that is the end of my rant.......for today.

_________________________________________________________________

One a brighter side, for anyone interested, I found a new tea at a natural food store that supposedly supports the health of the female cycle. Traditional Medicinals Raspberry Leaf Tea. I've been downing it like crazy. (A girl can dream.)

I've also begun a small group therapy (I guess you could call it) for local ladies struggling to conceive. And I must say, I could not be happier that it's finally happened. There's nothing like standing in a room filled with people who understand and don't judge anything that comes out of your mouth. The first gathering was quite intimate seeing as the power went out 20 mins before they were to arrive. I was freakishly vacuuming the living room as everything goes out, leaving me to believe I blew a fuse. Not the case, everything was out for about a 3 town spread. I luckily stock up on candles for such occasions and we spent the next 5 hours chatting about anything and everything. To you ladies, thank you! You have lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and I could not be happier that life has brought us together.

_________________________________________________________________

A New Plan:

1. Read another vegan recipe book to get inspired.
2. Remove all tempting foods out of my house.
3. Get my ass up at 5:30am and go to the gym. (At least 4 days per week.)
4. Suck it up and pay for a hot yoga class once a week.
5. Get my bike in tip top shape and start riding on the weekends again.
6. Start packing a protein and complex carb for lunch to accompany my salads.
7. No more chips. (It's a very sad day.)
8. Cook large quantities of grains on Sunday for the week.
9. Stop trying to conceive. (Yes I said it. I need a break.)
10. Start tanning. (Don't judge. Vitamin D makes me happy.)
11. Write down everything I eat for two weeks. (Gives perspective)
12. Turn off the TV and listen to music instead.
13. Read a book every 2 weeks.

That's a good starting point. I'm a planner, can you tell?

Rules for the Two Week Wait

For those of you living in infertility hell along with me, you know how crazy the "two week wait" can be. Mine of course has fallen directly on St. Patrick's Day. The one day per year it's mandatory you drink. (Well, not really, but you know what I mean...) With that said, here are my thoughts on the subject of what to eat, drink, do and say during that awkward two weeks.

Eat-

Coming from a Vegan (or shall I say a vegetarian attempting to be vegan again), my thoughts are obviously geared towards all things natural. As of right now, breakfast is a smoothie with a cup of oatmeal. Snack is graham crackers. Lunch is a full salad and Amy's burrito and some of the Snikkidy chips. Snack is fruit (apple, grapes, pear). Dinner is a loaded vegetable dish with tofu or beans and a whole grain. Although it isn't perfect, right now it's working for me. My appetite tends to increase dramatically prior to menstruation. My husband finds it odd, but it's just the way I am. I have about 2 weeks of being very hungry all the time, and 2 weeks of a low appetite. During the "two week wait", fill your body with nutrient dense foods. These two weeks are the building blocks for that little embryo, be sure to give them everything they need and not what you want.

 

Drink-

This is always the tough one. Doctors now say that drinking one glass of wine slowly won't harm your little growing bambino. I'm not sure I fully agree with them. But you may find yourself at a social event that you don't want the funny eye lurking over at you, wondering if you're pregnant and that's why you aren't drinking. My advice is, grab a small glass of wine and milk it throughout the night. That way you won't be harassed and it will help to calm your nerves. I steer clear of liquor and I've lost my taste for beer, so wine it is!

Fitness-

This is one I continuously struggle with. I've heard everything from "don't shake the foundation" to work out hard. There's also rumors that you shouldn't let your heart rate pass 150 during a work out. My rule of thumb: don't allow yourself to get breathless. If you're on a treadmill, keep track of your heart rate. If you're outside, make sure you could carry a conversation or sing to your music. Lifting is one of those things that I'm still afraid to do during that time. If I do any weights, I focus on that specific muscle and keep the weight low. Low weights, higher reps is a good rule of thumb during this time as well. That way you are not straining your body, but still getting the benefit of working out. 

Say-

Seeing as I have issues with my stomach and anything dairy, for the most part I simply use the excuse that my stomach is really bothering me. It keeps me from having to explain to those that don't know me (or read my blog) that I am in limbo and praying there's something growing inside of me. Or I just say, I'm vegan. People usually stop talking at that point, in fear you may instill your values on them. 

In the end: Do and say what feels right to you. I am not a doctor nor do I pretend to be. I live by experience. If something doesn't work for you, try something else. Just remember that these two weeks are crucial in building a proper foundation for your child. Take care of yourself mentally and physically and pray for a miracle.